I really need God right now... Yeah, that should do it. Some kind of savior to explain the world and all its mystery. Some answer to all my question. Some way to forgive myself for the countless mistakes. Some thing to be able to honestly say its gonna be ok.
Yeah, I think God will do the trick.
Camp next week is actually starting to sound like a good idea again.. We'll see.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Ouch
Oh God, why does it have to hurt so much? Everything… I somehow managed to severely stress a muscle in my shoulder… Well, actually, it’s more that I re-aggravated it from stressing it a couple years ago. It seriously hurts to move my arm at all. And then, as usual, I’m stuck over-contemplating things. I was up til four in the morning… just thinking (not to mention crying) and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never have. IT’S SUMMER ALREADY! I SHOULD BE HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE! But somehow, every night its like a harsh grey and lonely winter for me.
I want to talk to someone. Not about this, not about anything. I can’t explain it, but there is just some kind of extreme relief just to be talking, or listening for that matter. Just to hear that there is some other kind of emotion left in the world. That people aren’t robots, and that we aren’t all doomed to this kind of stress. That there’s some larger point, and, after having been lectured for a near hour on how God couldn’t possibly exist, and how there is no point… well. I just don’t know. I don’t doubt His existence, sure… but really, is there a point to this other than pure amusement? Because as of now, I’m not amused.
So, anyways, yeah.. up til 4, eventually doing something I probably shouldn’t have.. but that’s a different story. I woke up this morning, actually afternoon, to a headache, shoulder aching so bad that my whole torso seems to be affected, and a billion texts from boyfriend accusing me of ignoring him, when I was actually sleeping. Cute, huh? T_T
Yes, these harsh grey and lonely nights… now seeping into my used-to-be sunny mornings.
A warning to anyone that may or may not talk to me anytime soon: don’t push me. For your own safety, just don’t.
I want to talk to someone. Not about this, not about anything. I can’t explain it, but there is just some kind of extreme relief just to be talking, or listening for that matter. Just to hear that there is some other kind of emotion left in the world. That people aren’t robots, and that we aren’t all doomed to this kind of stress. That there’s some larger point, and, after having been lectured for a near hour on how God couldn’t possibly exist, and how there is no point… well. I just don’t know. I don’t doubt His existence, sure… but really, is there a point to this other than pure amusement? Because as of now, I’m not amused.
So, anyways, yeah.. up til 4, eventually doing something I probably shouldn’t have.. but that’s a different story. I woke up this morning, actually afternoon, to a headache, shoulder aching so bad that my whole torso seems to be affected, and a billion texts from boyfriend accusing me of ignoring him, when I was actually sleeping. Cute, huh? T_T
Yes, these harsh grey and lonely nights… now seeping into my used-to-be sunny mornings.
A warning to anyone that may or may not talk to me anytime soon: don’t push me. For your own safety, just don’t.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
