Funfunfun. No, not really.

I am SO not looking forward to this school year as of now.. Yeah.. the below little thing is actually how I feel inside right now. The last thing I want now is to be thrown back into the chaos of 1700+ kids.. I was just coming to terms with the peace. The panic attacks were just beginning to subside and then- poof. September is back. Tomorrow the vicious cycle begins again, and I face another year of fighting it all off.

Also, with Heather, Alex, and Nate all gone.. I'm feeling like I'm off to a rather lonely start. Jackie will be there! But even so.. she seems to have her own little thing going. Which is really cool =) I'm just gonna be on a quest for friends I suppose. Or just really lonely. Either one works I guess.

At least as school begins I know that I'll be flexible with time from the start. No relationship commitments that require time after school right now, meaning time to make sure I can actually do my work and try to keep my grades up this year. Which I completely failed to do last year. >.<

Speaking of relationship.. I don't know what I'm gonna do. It's gonna be nice to have time and space, but to be in a relationship I'm also somehow supposed to handle feeling bad about not being able to see him as well as doing whatever I can to see him when the chance comes around.

Don't get me wrong, I really care about him.. but right now with all the other torrents of rushing emotion and anxiety.. Part of me is just tired of the whole relationship scene. Exhausted and wanting to feel at least somewhat free and independent, but with those feelings- especially without all my friends closeby- loneliness seems to set in all too quickly. I guess I'm just in search for a happy medium.. that seems so be my life so far.

Well, I'm gonna go back to sleep now. Being woken up after only 2 or 3 hours of sleep was an all too painful reminder of what lies in the path ahead. Welcome back, September. >_<

But... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddd

... I dun wanna go to SCHOOL!!!!! T^T
- Now Sami, crying like you're 6 won't get you anywhere
- *sobs*
- Sami, be a big girl and go to school
- But... What if the other kids are MEAN!? *sob*
- I'm sure the other kids will all be very nice
- You said that LAST year!!
- Yes.. well.. this worked when you were in Kindergarten and everyone actually was nice...
- *sob* I hate school you can't make me- Wait.. how am I? How did you..? "Now class, today we will disc-" OH COME ON THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE!!! *hides in corner* *sob*