Bringing back old stories- The Epic Choose your own Adventure Blog Story

I was going to write something fantastical about rainbows and unicorns and such, so here goes.

So I sat in my room, alone that day, angry at the world as usual, when suddenly, a strange odor emerged from the apartment next to mine. I went over and knocked to make sure that nothing was on fire, but when somebody opened the door a world of smoke and fog surrounded my head, and I was led inside. Immediately after walking in a strange lightness had wrapped itself around my brain as if my head was filling with helium, and I found myself needing to sit down. I found the nearest couch, and was offered a drink, not thinking about it, I took a sip. It tasted funny and had a strange texture, but I wasn't left with much time to think about it because I was in a whole new world.
I woke up in a strange state, on the same couch, but everything around me had changed completely. The sofa was now floating on a silver colored lake, and were four different land forms surrounding me.
One looked forested and slightly dark, the 2nd looked cleared out like a meadow, and full of flowers and light. The 3rd was green, lush, and had ponds all over. and the 4th had deep red roses covering the entire land.


LEAVE A COMMENT TO TELL WHICH ISLAND TO GO TO!!!! THE FATE OF A DRUGGED ALTERNATE YOU IS IN YOUR HANDS!!!


btw, this is all off of the top of my head, so i can't promise you, but i can tell you that im pretty sure that this is going somewhere. so just comment.

COMMENTS:
King Kong- "Hmm, I want to go to the meadow, full of flowers and light! =D"


You turn the couch towards the meadow, and begin to float into more shallow water. As you reach the shore you begin to see that those "flowers" were not flowers at all, but rather huge clusters of brilliantly colored butterflies. You cannot quite make out what they are all clustering around, but decide to get onto the land anyway.
From the moment you place your foot on the ground, the butterflies leave whatever they are hovering around, and start to float towards you. Mesmerized by the pretty colors, you fail to see the bloody fangs that the butterflies have emerging from their mouths, and even more shocking, the gory ripped apart human body pieces that they were recently feeding upon.
You allow one to rest on your hand, and almost instantly feel a sharp pain, and look down to see that blood is pouring out of your hand.
You scream and begin to run, but they are chasing you way too quickly and begin swarming over your body.
Just as you start thinking that this is the end, a giant pinapple with a coconut on its head emerges from the water and eats most of the man-eating butterflies with a loud *gulp* the rest fly away in fear. You quickly thank the pinapple, and in fear of it eating you next, you get back onto the sofa, and begin to float away.
Once again in the near center of the silver lake, you have 3 choices, 1- the marsh land, with lots of ponds and lush grass and plants. 2- the land of red roses, or 3- the darker forested area.

Once again, I'm leaving your own dillusional fate up to you. (well sort of anyways)
Where will you go next?
COMMENT TO SAVE YOUR SOUL
ok, not really, but
COMMENT TO SAVE YOUR IMAGINARY STORYBOOK PARALLEL!!

COMMENTS:
King Kong- "Lol, WOW, wasn't that adventurous? Anyway, let's go to the dark, wooded area next."





the dark wooded area... scary scary...
So, relieved that you managed to get away from those nasty insects, you decide to turn the couch, and start floating towards that dark, forested area. Though it may not have been the wisest choice, because there is now way of telling what you are getting into, you go that way anyways.
As you reach shore you begin to get a little spooked by the complete and total darkness that lies ahead. Once on the island you cannot actually see anything, all you can do is stand, listening to the rustling you can hear in the bushes ahead. You swear that you can see little glowing lights in the wilderness too, but are quick to blame it on paranoia, and continue to go deeper into the woods.
As you are walking, your eyes begin to adjust more, and you find yourself stumbling a bit less on things on the ground. You can hear some movement in the bushes and trees around you, but manage to keep your wits and continue walking.
Suddenly you hear a voice behind you and turn to face a very large dog-like creature. "What are you doing here?!" said a snarly, hostile voice.
You consider running, but find yourself unable to move. "I-I... I'll be leaving, just..."
"No human is supposed to be in this area, you don't understand. If you stay here you will be infected. Unless... have you been bitten, or come into contact with any creature on this island?"
"No, on the island back there I got bitten by some nasty butterflies, but all I have seen here, is darkness, and you." You showed him the damage done to your arms by the butterflies, as still fresh blood dripped down your arm.
"Butterflies? what do you..." he looked down at your arm and suddenly got a crazed look in his eye.
Before you could jump out of the way, he pounced on you and began to sink his teeth into your already bloody arm. You let out a horrifying shriek, though nobody could hear you, and as you lay there helpless, you could feel your body being flung about and torn to pieces as you slowly lost consciousness.
When you awoke, it was light outside and you were alone. There were red roses all around you, just as you had seen from afar while in the middle of the lake. The strange thing was that these roses were not like any you had ever seen before, for they were not only growing in bushes, but in big patches out of trees, and the ground. And some where not even growing at all, but just layed out, as if freshly put there. Rose petals where blowing in the wind, and landing everywhere.
You tried to sit up, but couldn't and soon remembered the werewolf that had attacked you. You now had bandages wrapped around most of your body, and as you moved you could see blood seeping up through them.
You called out, to see if anyone was near, and when you did, a shadow appeared behind a rose covered tree. Before you could get a close look, a very tall, pale man was standing over you.
"I see you're awake, and it's a good thing too. You see, it's not everyday that a mortal as yourself survives a bloody werewolf attack. But luckily, Rosemary found you and treated your wounds, though it will take a while to see whether or not you've been infected. In which case we'll have to kill you anyway."
You were already dazed from just waking up in a place you had never seen before, but now, you were more confused than you had ever been. "Infected? Kill me? What do you mean?"
"Ah, so sorry, I can see that I have already disturbed your healing. You should get some more rest. We'll talk later." And with that, he was gone.
Now, of course after that conversation, there was no way you could sleep. But it may be hard to do anything else. You could try to get up, and make your way back to the shore, but may run into trouble, with both your recently acquired wounds, or the people that brought you here. There was no way that they were normal, and you couldn't outrun them with how quickly the other one moved. But, if you stayed where you were, they might kill you. Or so he said, what did he mean by "infected"...

Sooo, what will you do now. Run, or stay?
Comment and choose your fate!
It's all up to you!
well, to some extent anyways :P

COMMENTS:
Neautique- "stay!!! please stay!
I'm sorry. But, honestly, he should stay..."






So you stay where you are.
It's probably for the better, and you don't think that you could make it that far anyway, so you decide just to relax, and as the tall man said, try to get some rest.
When you wake up you are still surrounded by roses, but this time there seems to be some type of civilization set up. You are inside a small hut like area, and from a nearby window you can see people walking outside, all busy doing one thing or another. You look around the room you are in and are able to see through a doorway, the same tall pale man, and with him an even paler woman. They seem to be having some sort of argument, though you are not quite able to make out what it is that they are saying.
You once again tried to sit up, forgetting your injuries, and feel a sharp pain in your abdomen. You let out a gasp, and lay back down. But with the noise, the man looks over and comes to your bedside.
"So, you are awake again. You must be starving. Unfortunately,we don't really have any food prepared, but I will have Rosemary fetch you some water."
You quickly realized that you were very hungry, and thirsty. You haven't eaten anything since your journey began. So you didn't object to a glass of water. And as he turned to walk out the door, you remembered what he had said earlier. "Wait! what did you mean earlier, when you talked about me being infected? What did you mean?" You suddenly became overrun with anxiety of the thought of being killed in this unknown realm of chaos, and tried to sit up again. He held you down, and quickly told you that you must not get so worked up.
Before you could say or do anything else, he had left and you were once again, alone.
A while later the girl that you saw earlier came in with a glass of water. She handed it to you and said "Hi, I'm Rosemary. I'm the one that found you out in the woods last night."
"Oh." I said, trying to sound thankful "Thanks for saving me."
She had a soft airy voice that seemed far away, "It's getting late, I'd better get the locks ready..." And she left the room.
So, you sat in that small rose covered room with your mind wandering between possible escape routes, and Rosemary's mention of chains, when someone appeared at your window. A person wearing a long black cloak, and riding on a huge black horse stood there looking at you. "I'm here to save you. You have a choice, come with me and live, or stay here, and be burned like the others."
His voice sounded strangely familiar and you sat for a moment pondering on all of the possible outcomes. To leave the people that saved you and tended you wounds, trusting a man that you don't know, or to stay with the people that once saved you, but now speak of chains and killings.

Aha!!! I did it! So now quickly make your choice, leave or stay. Once again it's up to you...
MWAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahahahahahaaa. haha.

COMMENTS:
King Kong- "Go with the creepy man! YAY FOR CREEPY MEN!!!!"
SAMiSAYSwRAwR- "Yes, YAY!!!
lmao. okay then katie. just don't try to imitate this story, k?
XDDD"





leave with a slightly creepy stranger
And so without giving yourself much time to think about your situation clearly, you hop on the back of the horse through the window and take off with the man in the cloak. After an hour or so of riding you get the nerve up to ask a few questions.
"Who are you? Where are we going?"
"Who am I? You haven't recognized me yet? Why it was only two nights ago that we met in the woods, that, to answer your other question, we are now headed."
"The wolf. Why are you taking me back with you? Wasn't it you that nearly killed me the other night?
"Ah, so now you remember. And yes that was me; terribly sorry by the way. I'm taking you back because you'll die if I don't."
"So you're telling me that you, the one that tried to kill me the other night, is now trying to rescue me from the people that saved my life after your attack."
"Precisely."
And with that, there was silence for the rest of the trip and eventually you found yourself yet again drifting to sleep.

When you awoke, you were laying on a pile of leaves in the middle of a the dark forest that you had wandered through nights ago. You looked around and could see the man, now a wolf again, sleeping a couple yards away. You got up, with the pain in your side noticeable, but not quite as sharp as the day before, and you began to wander through the woods again, (never said you were too bright) and you could see the full pale moon shining down light from overhead.
Suddenly you felt the dull pain in your abdomen become a sharp stinging pain once again, and you felt yourself falling to the ground, losing consciousness.
You regained consciousness with sunshine pouring down on you, and you were horrified to awake with your clothes and skin stained with blood.
Not fully realizing what was going on, you were then swiftly lifted up from behind and found yourself on the back of a horse with the same man as the night before. He stopped at a nearby river and you washed off most of the blood from your skin and clothes.
"Just as I had thought... you are lucky I picked you up when I did yesterday, or you would be dead right now." Said the man, with an awkward smirk on his face.
"What is going on? What is happening to me?" At that moment you realized the actual severity of the situation and looked down at your blood stained clothes.

(here is where this story originally ended. Refer to November, 2008 post for original ending)

And now to continue...

"You've been infected." said the man, "Now that we've got the basics down, I'm Jason. And you?". Realizing that you had no real choice other than to work with this man to figure things out, you introduced yourself and sat against a nearby tree to rest, realizing how tired and sore you still were. Jason sat across from you looking at you almost inquisitively. "What are you looking at?" you asked. "Its funny," he chuckled, which really bugged you because you found nothing funny about your current situation, "you still have that mortal look in your eyes and skin. Your eyes are so young and alive, and even though you've been infected you haven't quite lost that mortal glow."
"What do you mean by infected anyways? What is going on? Why would I be dead if I had stayed?" suddenly all your fear and questions resurfaced, as panic began to fill you like a toxic liquid.
Jason looked amused by this, which annoyed you even more. "Infected means that you, a used-to-be mortal, are now the same as me, a monster that transforms in the night attacking anything with a heartbeat within radius. What is going on is we are hiding out in the woods from hunters, who you had a very close encounter with. And to answer your last question you would be dead because hunters hunt, if you hadn't noticed. And what they hunt, is people like me and as of last night, people like you."
Suddenly you felt angry. Not just angry, but maddened beyond belief. "So, you infected me. This is all your fault. What am I going to do? I can't be a monster! I have to go back to my life! I can't stay here like this!". Jason looked a little hurt, "Yeah, you're right. It's my fault. But what are you doing alone at night in the dark forest!? Not to mention the fact that I am the one who saved you from the hunters. But it's totally up to you. You can leave, go do what you want. Find your own way along as I've done for years. Or you can stay, and I can show you how to survive in these woods."
You're left with the same conflict once again: Will you stay with Jason, who obviously knows how to survive, but seems to be a total jerk. Or will you find your own way, I mean really this is HIS fault. You need to get back home at some point... you can't just stay on this insane island forever! Or will you?

You decide- Stay? Or Go?
Leave a Comment with your answer!

I hate it when people are stupid...

Like, not just your ordinary quirk or accidentally ran into a wall kind of stupid, but people who just generally don't think. At all. And I seem to be running into more and more of them over time. It's especially annoying, I think, because these people seem to be most often the ones that would call themselves "thoughtful", or with a "different point of view". No, sorry dear, your view point isn't different than everyone else's- its just less information, less involved thought, and general stupidity. In less -samimakesnosensewhensherants words- These people that don't think seem to be the ones that call themselves smarter than the average person. They aren't.

With that said, I am in no way saying that everyone who calls themselves thoughtful, or says they have a different viewpoint, or consider themselves intelligent are stupid. Nonono.. there are a lot of REALLY smart people out there. My best friends are VERY smart people (this is no coincidence considering stupidity annoys the crap out of me). Then again I too, consider myself to be thoughtful... So I could very well fall into the category of people that drive me nuts, or I could actually just be thoughtful.. Either way it doesn't really bother me, because as much as I would differ from every other teenage girl by saying it: I really don't have a problem with me. I kind of like me. :) Who knows, XD maybe its just the inner guy in me..

Ah, well anyways, 7am has arrived. Time for Sami to wake up and get ready for school.

Guitar playing.. in need of more songs..

Trying to find songs that I actually wanna play on the guitar can be more difficult than I thought after getting the basics down. Ah well, I love the basics anyways, so maybe I'll just do what I can to make those better. Going back to school tomorrow after missing yet another day due to general pain and a doctor appointment. I think my body hates me. What did I ever do to you, sami, huh? Psh.
Ohh, and I may be looking forward to yet another surgery in the next couple weeks. Fun stuff.. Maybe I'll learn some more Jonathon Coulton stuff. Maybe I'll do some homework. (which REALLY needs to be done) Maybe I'll just go to bed. Eh, I gotta do SOME homework before I can sleep. I guess I'll go do that. My back is beginning to hurt (on top of all the other various pains).
Well, feels good to have at least a small blog post put in, even if its not saying much. Oh yeah, here I'll write about my weekend quick.
Friday- Very sore and achy all day. Stressed out at school. Chemistry teacher made me cry.(I think we went over this)Ohh, and italian food for dinner nomnomnom ^_^
Saturday- Nate came over at like 3. We played music, baked cookies, played halo, played some more music, almost wrote a song and he left at like 10ish. I watched some SNL with my parents but didnt feel good so I went to bed at 12. Woke up at 2am and was up throwing up all night until my dad kindly reminded me at 4am that I had pills for that which I promptly took and went to sleep.
Sunday- Slept until 4pm. Lazed around the house feeling horrible. Called my mommy and she picked me up and made me soup and we watched a movie about a bunch of idiots who all fell in love with the wrong people. Went to bed at 9.
Monday- (officially counts as a weekend for this week cuz I said so) Woke up, went to dads, went to doctor, picked up more pills, went home. Stayed in my room sleeping/ playing guitar/ interneting all day. Good stuff.
Tomorrow- We face the school once more.

Goodnight. :D

Hey look... I had a blog once upon a time, didn't I?

So.. lemme see.. I better start over again completely, because trying to catch up would take too much time.
I am Sami. (Hope we have that down)
I am 16.
I am single. (and actually quite content with that)
I love to write.
I love music.
I love my guitar.
My hair = Awesome. Even if you don't like it.
I have 5 stab wounds (surgery marks) from this past december and all of my crazy health issues.
I don't have my appendix anymore.
I miss my appendix sometimes...

Okay, I'm already getting the feel of this whole blogging thing again. I guess I can start with what's on my mind at the moment.
1. I hurt a TON. like.. horrible pain. Also, I'm on a ton of pain killers so I'm kind of... off balance...
2. I had a girlfriend.. that was cool while it lasted. I might try it again sometime.
3. Minnesota is COLD. And ice is the bane of my existence.
4. I have so much make up work to do from being in the hospital that I dont know where to start, and because I'm so overwhelmed I've just been putting it off.
5. Two of my teachers made me cry today.. and then I did it again after school just cuz. Thats what happens when you tell me just how behind two weeks of illness will get you.
6. Facebook is the other bane of my existence.. yet I find myself on there way too often simply because there are a few people out of the 100 or so that I -ACTUALLY- want to talk to.. xP
7. I like my phone. It is made out of corn.
8. UGH. There's no way I'm going to be able to catch up on all this work T~T
9. I hate doctors.. and I wish they would actually fix me rather than send me home with a billion bottles of Vicodin. THE VICODIN ISNT WORKING!
10. Owwy.. I should go lie down soon.


Hmmm... 10 Sami thoughts. I'm listening to Britney Spears atm.. and happy about it. So bite me.

:D Maybe I shall start blogging again more often.. maybe.

People... >_>

People.. irritate me. No, not all of them, but a great deal of them. The thing is, I'm sure I irritate people too.. but its like DUDE.
For instance- If somebody is minding their own business.. like at a bus stop.. how about NOT approaching them and trying to start a conversation about meth. Or how about NOT pulling up in your car and trying to get them in it.. for whatever sick reason you have. Chances are people have their own shi-erm crap to deal with, WITHOUT you coming along being a creeper.
Also.. people are cwazy. end of story. I'm crazy enough by myself, I dont need public contributions thanks :D
Also.. why is it that whenever something bad happens.. something ridiculous seems to need to follow.. making things horrible? Come on, God, can't you just like.. let them deal with the first bad thing before striking them with lightening? Or maybe I'm just cursed.. I wouldn't be surprised.
I can't write lately. It's not writers block.. I don't usually attempt to write unless I have something to write about.. and I seem to have a lot I could be writing about.. but motivation=non existent. so yah.
I'mma get my license soon here.. and then I'mma start volunteering at the humane society. Woot.
I think when I'm done with college or whatever I do.. I'm gonna go live in the woods for a while. hehe. And raise a troop of crazy ninja squirrels!!! .. or not..
KGOTTAGOTHNX4READINGBAI

Well well well...

Ok.. I'm really bad at this whole blog thing. I know. But what other excuse could I come up with to further put off doing my homework? Yeah.. So, I survived the first week of school. Barely. And now as the second week is finishing out... well.. I got nothing. I really am not happy at SW so far this year.. Part of me knows its just high school, but another part is reminding me that it wasn't this bad last year... with all my best friends. Who for the most part, all left.

Apparently I'm really bad at making friends. I actually don't think I've made any yet this year. I have people that I know, yes. I have people that hug me in the hallways and shout "SAMI!!!" which is always nice... yeah.. But there's a big line between the slightly superficial clique of friends, and the ones I've made and can actually talk to.

Even I didn't expect things to start out quite so rough... and that's saying a lot. After the first day Nate came over after school to cheer me up, which was nice. And its been really REALLY helping things to be doing stuff like writing music. Stuff that actually creates something. Same with writing, and drawing.. and art in general.

Uck. I really don't like school. And then, as always... there's the anxiety attacks and such. Lunch time is the worst. Somehow there was formed and obligation to sit with this certain friendly, loud, mellow dramatic, hyperactive, and generally insane group of people during lunch. Which is cool and all... unless you, like me, have anxiety issues and end up having a panic attack the second you are put into such a situation. And I -do- like being with people.. its just lethal sometimes.

I think the roughest part of this entire transition from summer to school is that my therapist has gone on vacation for the month of September. Leaving me to rough the first month out on my own, after a calm summer with constant help. Uckuckuck.

I honestly would love to run away to some rustic mountain scene and live in a little shack in the woods, living off the land. Sounds like a nice enough break.. completely and totally alone. Ahhhh... And then another part of me would love even more to just curl up into a fetal position humming songs and meditating until June. And then, anOTHER part of me kind of just wants to crawl into a hole somewhere and stay there.

Well, I'd better be doing my homework. Ewwww...

Funfunfun. No, not really.

I am SO not looking forward to this school year as of now.. Yeah.. the below little thing is actually how I feel inside right now. The last thing I want now is to be thrown back into the chaos of 1700+ kids.. I was just coming to terms with the peace. The panic attacks were just beginning to subside and then- poof. September is back. Tomorrow the vicious cycle begins again, and I face another year of fighting it all off.

Also, with Heather, Alex, and Nate all gone.. I'm feeling like I'm off to a rather lonely start. Jackie will be there! But even so.. she seems to have her own little thing going. Which is really cool =) I'm just gonna be on a quest for friends I suppose. Or just really lonely. Either one works I guess.

At least as school begins I know that I'll be flexible with time from the start. No relationship commitments that require time after school right now, meaning time to make sure I can actually do my work and try to keep my grades up this year. Which I completely failed to do last year. >.<

Speaking of relationship.. I don't know what I'm gonna do. It's gonna be nice to have time and space, but to be in a relationship I'm also somehow supposed to handle feeling bad about not being able to see him as well as doing whatever I can to see him when the chance comes around.

Don't get me wrong, I really care about him.. but right now with all the other torrents of rushing emotion and anxiety.. Part of me is just tired of the whole relationship scene. Exhausted and wanting to feel at least somewhat free and independent, but with those feelings- especially without all my friends closeby- loneliness seems to set in all too quickly. I guess I'm just in search for a happy medium.. that seems so be my life so far.

Well, I'm gonna go back to sleep now. Being woken up after only 2 or 3 hours of sleep was an all too painful reminder of what lies in the path ahead. Welcome back, September. >_<

But... Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddd

... I dun wanna go to SCHOOL!!!!! T^T
- Now Sami, crying like you're 6 won't get you anywhere
- *sobs*
- Sami, be a big girl and go to school
- But... What if the other kids are MEAN!? *sob*
- I'm sure the other kids will all be very nice
- You said that LAST year!!
- Yes.. well.. this worked when you were in Kindergarten and everyone actually was nice...
- *sob* I hate school you can't make me- Wait.. how am I? How did you..? "Now class, today we will disc-" OH COME ON THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE!!! *hides in corner* *sob*

Well then...

I really need God right now... Yeah, that should do it. Some kind of savior to explain the world and all its mystery. Some answer to all my question. Some way to forgive myself for the countless mistakes. Some thing to be able to honestly say its gonna be ok.

Yeah, I think God will do the trick.

Camp next week is actually starting to sound like a good idea again.. We'll see.

Ouch

Oh God, why does it have to hurt so much? Everything… I somehow managed to severely stress a muscle in my shoulder… Well, actually, it’s more that I re-aggravated it from stressing it a couple years ago. It seriously hurts to move my arm at all. And then, as usual, I’m stuck over-contemplating things. I was up til four in the morning… just thinking (not to mention crying) and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never have. IT’S SUMMER ALREADY! I SHOULD BE HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE! But somehow, every night its like a harsh grey and lonely winter for me.

I want to talk to someone. Not about this, not about anything. I can’t explain it, but there is just some kind of extreme relief just to be talking, or listening for that matter. Just to hear that there is some other kind of emotion left in the world. That people aren’t robots, and that we aren’t all doomed to this kind of stress. That there’s some larger point, and, after having been lectured for a near hour on how God couldn’t possibly exist, and how there is no point… well. I just don’t know. I don’t doubt His existence, sure… but really, is there a point to this other than pure amusement? Because as of now, I’m not amused.

So, anyways, yeah.. up til 4, eventually doing something I probably shouldn’t have.. but that’s a different story. I woke up this morning, actually afternoon, to a headache, shoulder aching so bad that my whole torso seems to be affected, and a billion texts from boyfriend accusing me of ignoring him, when I was actually sleeping. Cute, huh? T_T

Yes, these harsh grey and lonely nights… now seeping into my used-to-be sunny mornings.

A warning to anyone that may or may not talk to me anytime soon: don’t push me. For your own safety, just don’t.

I love you, Katie.. XD

Sami Baby by ~Dragyn-angel on deviantART

"Just a real quick sketch of my darling best friend. Normally I'd spell wrawr as rawr, but she spells it wrawr, so I did too ^-^
I love this sketch soo much."

~ Katie ( hairykingkong.blogspot.com )

Summer! ^_^

So, things have been pretty amazing. =) Without the stresses of school, my life is almost perfect! Almost... :)
So far this summer I have visited 7 different states, and from Indiana brought back my cousin Miranda for a couple weeks. We've been having a blast! Hanging out with Taylor and Zach and wreaking havoc within the city. It's been great. :)
Unfortunately though I haven't hung out with ANYBODY from school all summer. x-x
I'm missing some of my friends, though they've been as busy as me. :P
This summer has so far been one of the best ones in a very long time.. Maybe ever.. =D
Well, I'm gonna go plan out the rest of my day, I only have two weeks to show Miranda all the best parts of MN. Better get busy.. lol.

check this out

http://www.awntv.com/videos/born-to-be-dead/

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

You're right.. I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know how to betray all of those memories.
I don't know how to keep them with me.
I don't know which path to choose.
I don't know how to please everyone.
I don't even know how to please me.
I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't know how to deal with you.

You think I don't care. You think that I want to see you hurt. You think that you're nothing more than an irritation in my life. You think I don't want you anymore.

You're wrong.

You fail to see the possibility that this is causing me just as much if not more pain than it does you.

Yes, in the end it was I that made the decision. I did it. I broke your heart. I hurt you.

Yet, who is it that stays up crying in the night?

I will accept your anger.
I will accept your frustration.
Take it all out on me and just let it go.
Say what you need to say, not what I want to hear.
I will accept the peace that follows, if there ever is any.

You know better than anyone how to hurt me.
What to say.
What to do.

You can tell yourself you can't.
You can tell yourself I'm heartless.
We both know its not true.

I don't hate you.
I don't even dislike you.

But this time, its your choice.
You choose from here how things will play out.

I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I'm sorry if I'm hurting you now.

No longer can I tailor my life to other people's needs,
Because there is no one life that fits all.

With this realization-
Yes, I care about you.
No, I don't want to hurt you.
But I am done fitting my life to how you feel about it.
Even though, I know you never asked me to.

You ask me why I care,
And the answer I've given you remains.

Towards you I have felt a connection that I could never explain to anyone else.
I couldn't even explain it to you.
No, its not just a casual friend.
No, its no longer a lover.
But it still remains.
It may always remain,
Whether you choose to stay or go.

I know the trouble I've caused.
I despise myself for it.
And yet, dwelling on it helps no one.
I don't know how to help anyone.

This is not an excuse.
This is how I feel.

This is why we don't give hyper sami the internet plz.

11:33amSami
hey

11:33amTerrell
Hey :3

11:33amSami
O.O
I...

11:33amTerrell
o-o

11:33amSami
love you

11:34amTerrell
I love you too! ^-^

11:34amSami
:)
yaaaaaaaayy!!!!
^_^

11:34amTerrell
<3

11:34amSami
I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo
boreded..
:P

11:34amTerrell
Lol

11:35amSami
watching My Bloody Valentine
scary stuff..
lol

11:35amTerrell
Oh boy... lol

11:35amSami
not really
:)
its made for 3D but its not..
so you can tell which parts are sposed to be 3D
like this guys eye comes out at you when he gets stabbed with a pickaxe..
:P
cwazy

11:36amTerrell
lol

11:36amSami
whatchoo up to?
O_o_O

11:36amTerrell
Nothing much...

11:36amSami
hehe..
does like alien face?
O.o.O
aww man
it didn't work.. :P O_o_O
wrawr
I NEED ATTENTION NOW PLZ

11:38amTerrell
Lol

11:38amSami
IS BORED AND LONELY AND MAKING ALIEN FACES
O_O

kitteh alien monster..
<^o.o^>
hehe

11:39amTerrell
lol

11:39amSami
(>^^)>
I SURRENDER!!!! ^o_o^

11:40amTerrell
<(^+^<)

11:40amSami
:)
you seem busy..
:P

11:41amTerrell
Just trying to figure my day out...

11:41amSami
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
n_n
kekekekekeke
WRAWR
monkey butt
ICE CREAM!

11:42amTerrell
Lol

11:42amSami
Orange juice

11:42amTerrell
<3

11:42amSami
Salad dressing!
O_O
I want a salad..
awwwwwww man..
no tengo lechuga para una ensalada...
ay carumba!
que mal!
pero...

11:43amTerrell
o-o

11:43amSami
yo quiero una ensalada
muchas
^-^
Me gusta ensalada
me gusta helado
me gusta la ensalada de frutas!!!!!
ensalada
de muchas frutas
ensalada
de muchas frutas
^-^
fruit salad
yummy yummy
fruit salad
yummy yummy
:)
can you tell I'm kind of bored?
O.o
O_O
O_o
o_O
o_o
O_O
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
NOOOO
WATCH OUT FOR THE PICKAXE!
don't do it!!!!!

11:45amTerrell
o-o'

11:46amSami
^_^
ooh
scary guy in gas mask
WATCH OUT HES GONNA IMPAAAAAAAALE YOUUUUU!!!!!
In the brain!
^-^
or hand..
ouch
that's gotta hurt
o-o
GO GET EM!
hehe
wow
and to think..
OOOHHH
he got his brain!
eeeeewwwww
yucky
pickaxe man is icky
and is stealing hearts from literally brainless men..
its all red and gooshy
xP
yuck
have you started ignoring me?
O.o

11:49amTerrell
No... I r readings now

11:50amSami
^-^ you cant say I'm not at least a little interesting..

11:51amTerrell
More-so <3

11:51amSami
^_^
WRAWR
I'mmma bite you!
COOKIE!
wrawr :D

11:51amTerrell
Yay bites :3

11:51amSami
monchmonch..
^-^
Harry Warden is...
DEAD
BUT NOT REALLY!

11:52amTerrell
lol

11:52amSami
he's actually killing people with a pickaxe
BUT THEY THINK THAT ITS POOR OL TOM!!
o-o
poor lil tom..
what will he do?

11:52amTerrell
LolTom

11:52amSami
:)
WRAWR
you're sure he was dead then?
no...
o-o
DAMMIT!
:P
^-^
u-u n_n
MONKEY BUTT
WRAWR
I"MMA EAT YOU!

11:54amTerrell
:3 <3

11:54amSami
<3
POOKAPIKAPOOKAPOO!
^o^
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
tot is a funny word
tototototototototot

11:55amTerrell
lol
I want KEESES! T~T

11:55amSami
:D
WRAWR
^x^
:*
:^)
hehe
he has nose
>:O

11:56amTerrell
Lol x)

11:56amSami
^-^
NYANANANANANANANANAAAAAAAAAA
NYANYANANANANANAAAAAAAAAAAAA
NYANANANANANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
POOKAPIKAPOOKAPOOPIKAPOOKAPIK
o-o
WOW
MOM
WOWMOMWOWMOMWOWMOM
flip it upside down
I dare you..
and it says..
MOMWOWMOMWOWMOMWOW
true story..
o-o
you know you love me.. ^_^

11:58amTerrell
Lol... you're super hyper and bored... a classic Sami combo.
Of COURSE I do! :D

11:58amSami
^-^
OF COURSE you do!
how could you not?
^_^
I LOVE ME MORE!
I mean..
erm..
wait a minute..
o-o

11:59amTerrell
Lol

11:59amSami
xD
who could the creeper be at my window?
hrm
Ionno, I guess I'll just grap shot gun..
oh look

11:59amTerrell
Brb love..

12:00pmSami
its crazy pick axe guy...
POWPOWPOW!!!
STABWITHAXE!
KAPOW!
XS
I KNEW IT!
IT WAS YOU!!
STAB
SHOOT
STAB
SHOOT
POW
STOMP
eeewwww
his last words were...
"Shit"
lovely..
I would say like..
well
ionno what I would say..
I guess it might be shit..
maybe
TOM IS THE ONLY ONE WITHOUT AN ALIBI
TOM DID IT!
WHO PICKAXED THE SHERIFF?
I pickaxed the sheriff!
But I didn't pickaxe the deputy..
o-o
You're still going to jail for life..
BUT... I PICKAXED THE SHERIFF!
BUT I DIDN'T PICKAXE THE DEPUTY!
so.. you still pickaxed the sheriff..
o.o
but I didn't pickaxe the deputy..
I AM THE DEPUTY!
BUT I PICKAXED THE SHERIFF!
o.o
OH MY GOD NO DONT KILL THE SODA!
NOOOO NOT THE FRITOS!!!
eww...
I dun like fritos
they are all icky tasting and stuff..

12:07pmTerrell
o-o

12:07pmSami
^-^
oh hai there

12:08pmTerrell
Oh hai!


12:08pmSami
:D
just a sex
sec

12:09pmTerrell
o-o

12:09pmSami
XD

12:09pmTerrell
lolk

12:09pmSami
ROFL
>:O
ok
brb

12:09pmTerrell
lol

And I was doing so well.. =/

Over the past 6 or so months (excluding this past while) here is what has happened with me-

I went from being extremely asocial, scared of people, self conscious, trying to be invisible and generally anxious and afraid to- Getting tons of friends, my confidence going through the roof, anxiety attacks cut down by at least 4/5, generally happy, social, and generally loving everything.
I used to hide in the library during lunch just to avoid talking to people. I didn't really have any friends at school and I never really talked to the ones I did have. I was having panic attacks 1-3 times a day. (If you've never had an anxiety attack, you couldn't ever imagine how horrible it is. It would get to the point that I began getting anxious but I was so scared of having a panic attack that I would actually get one). It came to a point that the bad in my life outweighed the good by far and I was actually beginning to feel as though I had nothing to live for. I never told anybody about this at the time, and even now only 1 or 2 people know about it.
But then everything flipped for me. I was spending more time with the people I love and care about, I was getting more friends than I've ever had, I little reason to ever be anxious or sad and so I was, well... me! If you know me, really know me, you know that I'm the farthest away from shy or self-conscious there is. You'd know that while it may be hard to believe, I really love myself and the people I so often surround myself with.
This is getting long and far from my point, but I'm just trying to show the contrast between these two people... so hang in there with me..
I was so much happier that, at first, the thought of going back to the way things were before scared me beyond belief. I was so scared of any sign of change in my life, from anxiety, to lack of social activities to stresses in my relationship with Terrell that I would avoid it all completely. And even now, I'm so scared.. especially with the return of some of these feelings, moods... I don't know how to feel about the relationship anymore.
But this time, things are different. I have friends, really good friends, that I can trust to be there for me. People I can talk to and seek advice from. People I can spend time with to take my mind of things. Things are much better. I think...
I'm so anxious now.. so scared.. Panic attacks are coming back, my grades are falling below and acceptable level, I was supposed to be planning a party this past week that I'd forgotten about completely. I've been avoiding my parents (being my dad and ginger) and staying with my mom when possible... Even this weekend, going up north did sound kind of fun, but I couldn't stand the thought. I love them, of course, but whenever I'm talking to them I feel like such a failure. and what reason do I have not to?
I haven't been sleeping either, which doesn't help the whole situation. For a while I'd thought it was just sleep deprivation but now that I'm thinking more clearly, I'm finding that I feel worse. Which is a horrible thought...
Yeah.. enough of this rambling. I doubt anyone will read this anyways, but what better way to vent? At least I'm not keeping people up all night on IM trying to be a good friend and help me solve my stupid little problems. Poor Taylor.. lol..
Ok I'm done :)

Hope you guys are having a good weekend..
Love you!
Sami

I wanna hamster SOOOOOOOOO BADLY!!!!

T-T too bad my parents won't let me have one... x_x

sicksicksick

Monday- Miserable day.. made it through school and crashed right after cello.
Tuesday- Woke up, died inside, took a shower to try and feel better, felt worse and went back to bed.
Wednesday- Woke up, partially died inside, sucked it up, took some meds and went to school. Got sent home by Kirsten during lunch.
Thursday- Near exact repeat of Tuesday.
My spare time has been spent watching law and order online.. This is sad.

We can only imagine what is in store for Friday. I'm thinking I should be okay for the school day, but considering I'm yet to feel the least bit better, who knows...
Ugh, constant fevers, chills, headaches, body aches in general. The symptoms have been adding on since sometime last week but this week has been complete Hell. Literally. My body is like a freaking Inferno right now. o-o
I'm going back to bed.

Hope you guys are having a great week,
Sami

PS- if I get any more crap about this Swine Flu business.. I'm going on a killing spree. No joke.

PPS- ok.. maybe that's a little exaggerated. But only a little.

Makeup, System of a Down, Boyfriend, Job

Life.

heh. I'm getting ready to go to the Job Fair at the library today with Terrel while listening to SOAD. Completely at peace with the world (other than the occasional back spasms and other various pains).
I'm home alone this morning at my moms house. It's nice this way. So quiet (well other than the blasting music, of course).
Alex called at 6 this morning.. we talked until 10. Good Lord.
I've gotta get on the bus around 12, so I have time now that my hair has been managed to some extent. x)
Hmm.. I like writing. Really.. at this point its not even what im writing about, just thinking, turning thoughts to words and having these strange little symbols to express their meaning. Its really awesome in my head.
Well, I'm gonna get going.. here's a really good song.
Have an awesome weekend! ^-^
~Sami



SOAD- Roulette

awrawrawr...

Pillows are fluffy a lot.
Little kids cry a lot.
Parents yell a lot.
Friends are crazy a lot.
Sami is crazier a lot.

This is my life... ^-^

Wow.. its really early in the morning... perhaps too early. My phone started bleeping at me at 6:15 because of my alarm I'd set for school the previous day. >_> wrawr. But then I fell asleep. My phone started bleeping at me at 8:30 because of my Trall calling me. That's a better morning. :D
I has been sneezing lots. *aCHOO!*
Mah nose hurts... KAPOW!

I'm being weird today. And I can't think of anything witty or logical to say because I am tired. :P