I think this may very well be the longest time I've gone without posting something since like august... more that two weeks... sheesh!
I guess I've been busy.. I know I've been busy...
And I'm failing math... ><
fun stuff... I really need to get in the shower now.. but my brother is taking forever...
I NEED TO BE AT SCHOOL IN A HALF HOUR!!! -.-
grr... Some of the few negative things about being in a big family...
After School:
WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SNOW!?
I am now literally dripping water from my hair due to snow accumulation...
I am also hoping to get a hold of Terrell soon.. I was under the impression that we were to hang out today, but plans may be set back by snow...Oh well, there is always tomorrow, or saturday or something...
Well, I feel pathetic now because I want to stop posting even though it's been so long... I'll try and do a longer one later...
I love you guys
~Sami
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Ugh... yeah, never got back to that...
sorry, I guess I kinda forgot, or got busy or something. It's all been a daze lately. >< I hate it. When you've lost the security of knowing yourself, trusting in what you feel, believing what you say... what's left...
Not to mention I've been too fucking depressed lately to deal with anything... It's as though I'm having a fall back into the way things were before. And It's scary. I know that it's only temporary, and that it'll pass and everything... but that doesn't change just how frightening it is right now. I'm so scared that I'll mess something up, or that I already have, to some unrepairable extent. And that fear, as much as I hate to admit, is completely rational. ><
Dammit... I hate this... I feel so disconnected from everything else, as if nothing is important anymore. I want it to be important, I want to be able to constantly show all the people I love how amazing they are, and how important they are to me... and I try, but still feel as though my efforts are futile. That's a horrid feeling. Ugh.. what is wrong with me!?
Even just talking to people in passing, it's as though I'm not talking, just some pre-programmed unit nodding and smiling... I don't even pay attention to most of what I say anymore... and that scares me the most. And when it is me talking, when I am there, it's either some monotonous "I don't care" type statement, or I completely break down making people think I'm either completely insane, or that something is much more wrong than it is...
Not as though nothing is wrong, obviously things are wrong... but it's not something I can explain. There is no physical, or situational problem... nothing I could ever properly explain to anybody...
Because I cannot explain this, and because if I were to simply say that people wouldn't listen, The response generally consists of either "What did I do?", "What did 'he' do?", or "What can I do?".
And that is just it, you can see just how awesome people I'm around, are. The only thing I can say in response is "Absolutely nothing, and never think otherwise..."
I feel like I've been such a hindrance in the progressing happiness in some people's lives, and I can't stand it. How could I live with myself knowing that the only thing I'll ever be capable of is being a weight upon the people in my life, that are far better than I've ever deserved in the first place. ><
Ugh... I hate this...
So there is my little rant... most of it probably made absolutely no sense.
Don't take it to the heart... because as stated earlier... It's just not something to be taken in that sense.
My Friends(in all aspects)-I love you guys more than you could ever know. You are amazing in every sense, and I hope and pray that your lives are filled with happiness daily.
Anyone else- why are you here? This shouldn't matter enough for you to read it. Weridos...
So with that out of the way, I hope you guys have an amazing week!
~Sami<3
Not to mention I've been too fucking depressed lately to deal with anything... It's as though I'm having a fall back into the way things were before. And It's scary. I know that it's only temporary, and that it'll pass and everything... but that doesn't change just how frightening it is right now. I'm so scared that I'll mess something up, or that I already have, to some unrepairable extent. And that fear, as much as I hate to admit, is completely rational. ><
Dammit... I hate this... I feel so disconnected from everything else, as if nothing is important anymore. I want it to be important, I want to be able to constantly show all the people I love how amazing they are, and how important they are to me... and I try, but still feel as though my efforts are futile. That's a horrid feeling. Ugh.. what is wrong with me!?
Even just talking to people in passing, it's as though I'm not talking, just some pre-programmed unit nodding and smiling... I don't even pay attention to most of what I say anymore... and that scares me the most. And when it is me talking, when I am there, it's either some monotonous "I don't care" type statement, or I completely break down making people think I'm either completely insane, or that something is much more wrong than it is...
Not as though nothing is wrong, obviously things are wrong... but it's not something I can explain. There is no physical, or situational problem... nothing I could ever properly explain to anybody...
Because I cannot explain this, and because if I were to simply say that people wouldn't listen, The response generally consists of either "What did I do?", "What did 'he' do?", or "What can I do?".
And that is just it, you can see just how awesome people I'm around, are. The only thing I can say in response is "Absolutely nothing, and never think otherwise..."
I feel like I've been such a hindrance in the progressing happiness in some people's lives, and I can't stand it. How could I live with myself knowing that the only thing I'll ever be capable of is being a weight upon the people in my life, that are far better than I've ever deserved in the first place. ><
Ugh... I hate this...
So there is my little rant... most of it probably made absolutely no sense.
Don't take it to the heart... because as stated earlier... It's just not something to be taken in that sense.
My Friends(in all aspects)-I love you guys more than you could ever know. You are amazing in every sense, and I hope and pray that your lives are filled with happiness daily.
Anyone else- why are you here? This shouldn't matter enough for you to read it. Weridos...
So with that out of the way, I hope you guys have an amazing week!
~Sami<3
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Oh my...
its been almost a week... ay.
I get busy I spose... and things don't look as though they'll be calming down for quite a while... AGH. NEED SLEEP... NOW!!!
dammit... Things have been weird.. I've been weird (more so than usual to say the least), my family has been really, REALLY weird... and I've been finding less and less time to talk to some certain people... sorry...
Ugh... today has been long... and its only 2nd hour... (yay for finishing work a half hour early!!) I could go on a little rant... but I won't... yet..
Let's wait for the end of the day before complaining in full... I get the feeling I'll have more to talk about later... ><
Rainbows are pretty... Nate is distracting me... yay for Bio!!!
In all honesty... I really haven't been all that tired... more exhausted. But I'm not sleepy at all... *yawns* well... so much for that.
Hmmm.. I don't need to go.. but I think I'm just gonna post this for now. I'll write about something interesting after school... maybe.
Live, Laugh, Love... you know.. whatever,
Sami<3
I get busy I spose... and things don't look as though they'll be calming down for quite a while... AGH. NEED SLEEP... NOW!!!
dammit... Things have been weird.. I've been weird (more so than usual to say the least), my family has been really, REALLY weird... and I've been finding less and less time to talk to some certain people... sorry...
Ugh... today has been long... and its only 2nd hour... (yay for finishing work a half hour early!!) I could go on a little rant... but I won't... yet..
Let's wait for the end of the day before complaining in full... I get the feeling I'll have more to talk about later... ><
Rainbows are pretty... Nate is distracting me... yay for Bio!!!
In all honesty... I really haven't been all that tired... more exhausted. But I'm not sleepy at all... *yawns* well... so much for that.
Hmmm.. I don't need to go.. but I think I'm just gonna post this for now. I'll write about something interesting after school... maybe.
Live, Laugh, Love... you know.. whatever,
Sami<3
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
a neverending dream...
hehe.. I'm listening to that song right now. =P
anyways... today was really good actually. I was extremely exhausted on and off, but otherwise it was a completely good day. No downfalls or changes of moods for the most part, even walking home, I amused myself by smiling the whole way. Even when Trall called saying he couldn't hang out today.. It was ok. Not that I didn't want to see him, but I'm really just kind of glad that he can relax with his friends and have fun... after dealing with me so far this week, God knows he deserves it... =P
I think it has to do with starting the day off good. In first hour we got assigned this writing thing, and I had a little too much fun with it. He asked for a paragraph in 10 minutes... I gave him two pages in 45. =P It was about Sasquatch... roflmao... xD
I actually had a lot of crazy sci-fi ideas emerging while writing it, but I was running low on time. I think I just might turn it into something bigger when I get it back... maybe. I can never guess myself when it comes to capability to do things such as this.
Speaking of which, I still gotta get my poems together. My English teacher is going to try and get me published in the school magazine, and Narcia has mentioned us getting some of our stuff published together, in a book or something. So things are looking up in that area, compared to before anyways, where they weren't looking anywhere, kind of blind really... =P
ha... I'm listening to Less Talk More Rokk by Freezepop... and it really makes me want to go to a party or rave or something... >,<
I am excited for Friday, that sounds fun :)
Well, I gotta leave to my mum's house now. Exciting because it's been almost two weeks now... :P
I love you guys!!!
~sami
anyways... today was really good actually. I was extremely exhausted on and off, but otherwise it was a completely good day. No downfalls or changes of moods for the most part, even walking home, I amused myself by smiling the whole way. Even when Trall called saying he couldn't hang out today.. It was ok. Not that I didn't want to see him, but I'm really just kind of glad that he can relax with his friends and have fun... after dealing with me so far this week, God knows he deserves it... =P
I think it has to do with starting the day off good. In first hour we got assigned this writing thing, and I had a little too much fun with it. He asked for a paragraph in 10 minutes... I gave him two pages in 45. =P It was about Sasquatch... roflmao... xD
I actually had a lot of crazy sci-fi ideas emerging while writing it, but I was running low on time. I think I just might turn it into something bigger when I get it back... maybe. I can never guess myself when it comes to capability to do things such as this.
Speaking of which, I still gotta get my poems together. My English teacher is going to try and get me published in the school magazine, and Narcia has mentioned us getting some of our stuff published together, in a book or something. So things are looking up in that area, compared to before anyways, where they weren't looking anywhere, kind of blind really... =P
ha... I'm listening to Less Talk More Rokk by Freezepop... and it really makes me want to go to a party or rave or something... >,<
I am excited for Friday, that sounds fun :)
Well, I gotta leave to my mum's house now. Exciting because it's been almost two weeks now... :P
I love you guys!!!
~sami
Monday, February 2, 2009
WHOA SHIAZZZ
hehehe... pms x_x
yesterday was fun... really, really, REALLY fun... I wanna do it again. ^.^
Aside from that I've been kinda moody, kinda jumpy, and kinda sorta REALLY tired... I should probably be napping or something right now. For some reason today went by really quickly. I remember sitting in 6th hour and suddenly burst out with "OH SHIAZZ THE DAY IS ALMOST OVER!!!" hehe... surprising? nah...
hmm... right now I guess I'm just kind of floating... no serious thoughts or emotions. I'm not extremely happy, or sad. Just kind of here, and enjoying it... more happy than not I suppose. =P Today was pretty good... relaxed. I don't dread tomorrow, but I don't particularly want to go back... I would rather go spend the day with Terrell ^.^ if only such things were easier... =P
I'll probably end up going to my mom's house tonight, I haven't seen her in over a week =< I just hope that we have a good night =)
Later-
Never went to mom's... slightly saddened by that...
feeling stupid about some other things said... wanting to go to bed simply so the day can end... ><
yesterday was fun... really, really, REALLY fun... I wanna do it again. ^.^
Aside from that I've been kinda moody, kinda jumpy, and kinda sorta REALLY tired... I should probably be napping or something right now. For some reason today went by really quickly. I remember sitting in 6th hour and suddenly burst out with "OH SHIAZZ THE DAY IS ALMOST OVER!!!" hehe... surprising? nah...
hmm... right now I guess I'm just kind of floating... no serious thoughts or emotions. I'm not extremely happy, or sad. Just kind of here, and enjoying it... more happy than not I suppose. =P Today was pretty good... relaxed. I don't dread tomorrow, but I don't particularly want to go back... I would rather go spend the day with Terrell ^.^ if only such things were easier... =P
I'll probably end up going to my mom's house tonight, I haven't seen her in over a week =< I just hope that we have a good night =)
Later-
Never went to mom's... slightly saddened by that...
feeling stupid about some other things said... wanting to go to bed simply so the day can end... ><
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