school, halloween, and life's general insanity.

So with the end of October nearing, there is good news, and bad news.
Good News- Halloween is tomorrow, meaning candy, scary movies, and altogether good times :D
Bad News- End of first quarter, meaning grades, meaning report cards, meaning getting scolded for my not-so-hot grades this quarter. eh. It makes me feel so depressed and generally disgusted that just to think about it makes me want to drop down dead.
They aren't as bad as I though they might be. But I have two Cs, one A-, and the rest Bs. grrr. Its not like I didn't try or anything. I just don't know what went wrong.
I have a C in English, because of not turning in all my work (he won't let me turn in stuff that I missed when I was gone, even though he didn't tell me about it when I asked him what I would be missing while I was gone. Along with some other things that I just didn't manage to turn in.
I have a C in geometry because I just don't get it, at all. And no matter who I try to ask for help, It just doesn't seem to be helping very much.
I have a B in band because I couldn't make most of the pep band events.
I have a B in Spanish because of grades on quizzes and tests
I probably will have a B in Geography by tomorrow, because he still needs to put some of my work into the computer, but im not sure yet
And I have an A- in Biology, because I <3 Biology, and see no faults whatsoever in the class. :D

Anyways, so today as you can probably tell has been stressful for me to the point of near insanity, and I am kind of excited for it to end, yet am not to pleased with the idea of going back tomorrow. Though after school Halloween events are intriguing enough to keep me content throughout the day, just waiting for that 3:00 Bell to ring.
I am also nervous about this upcoming band concert. I have been practicing almost non-stop when at home, but I have a deep down feeling that we are going to do miserably, because I seem to be one of very few that are practicing at all. SOOOO FRUSTRATING!!! I really don't want to perform in such a sucky concert, but I am also left feeling helpless because I see no personal opportunity for changing of fates. If any of you guys do, please LET ME KNOW!!!
I am tiredtiredtiredtired.
I still need to go to the store, shower and do my Biology homework though. so, for now I'd better call it a post.
I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

ok poem time.

You begged me just to trust you,
You pleaded for me to love,
I told you that I couldn't
But you gave me a silent shove

With all my mind falling apart,
You promised me somewhere safe,
And if I had not gone to you,
I'd be left alone, a waif

With all my insecurities,
I'd given you my trust,
And then before I knew it,
Into my soul your sword was thrust,

You've broken the only heart of mine
You've shattered my every dream,
But worst of all you've left me here,
Too mad at you to scream.

Just something random here that I came up with off the top of my head. Comment please if you have any constructive criticism or thoughts. =D

wrawrawrawrawrawrawr

sooo, I was going to post this last night, but just as I finished up my homework I lost internet connection XP but anyways, instead of writing another random offthetopofmyhead poem, I'm thinking about posting one of the more recent excerpts from my story. You know, the one that I posted the very beginning of when I had first made my blog... how could you forget!? Well, in any case, here it is-

It was a cool October night, and I was out on a walk along the creek. The sky was clouded and starless. The aroma of an incoming storm hung over the city. I was alone, as far as I could see, and I found it to be a peacful, lovely relief to the hectic life I found myself in.
I had walked about a mile when I decided to head back, and just as I turned the smell of rain became more intense and the air became humid and dense. In an attempt to get home before it began pouring down rain, I slipped on some loose soil and fell face down into the damp ground. "Great..." I muttered, curious about the possible damage done to my new outfit. But, as I tried to get up, I suddenly felt a cold pair of hands, holding me to the ground. Before I could turn to see who it was, I was swiftly lifted of the ground and stood facing a tall, lanky man with sleek black hair and outstanding green eyes.
He had a weird smirk like smile and scoffed "Humans, can't even keep themselves upright." He let out a soft chuckle. "Now what is a young, pretty girl like you doing, walking alone in the woods at night?"
What had he meant by "humans", as though he weren't one himself, and why had he called me young? For he couldn't have been much older than me. Sure maybe a bit grimier, but not much older. Scared and confused I quickly muttered "I really need to get home now, sorry." I turned around to head home, but with a blink, he was standing in front of me blockinf my path.
"Now there's no need to rush or be rude. The least you could do is thank me for helping you up." He seemed slightly agitated, but continued to have that awkward smile plastered on his face.
"Thanks, but I really need to get going. It's getting late..." As much as I wanted to run, hus eyes somehow kept me standing there, unable to leave.
"Time? This is what you are worried about!?" He was beginning to look even more irritated and I was scared of what he might do. "You humans are so lost in your own minds that you let something that doesn't even exist control your life. Time is but an illusion, and only has a place in your twisted perspective of the world that you think you know. You all disgust me, so focused on things that don't exist, all the while refusing to see what is really there. Refusing to see the evil, pain, and hatred of your own kind that truly controls how the world works. All of this, and you worry about time."
While he seemed to be getting more and more angry as he spoke, he at the same time seemed relieved to have said it, and was beginning to recompose himself. "Dilusional as time may be, I have somebody waiting for me, and I really need to be getting home."
He looked into my eyes and I tried, but couldn't look away. "If you really need to leave, why are you still here?" And once again, I tried to look away, to turn around and run, but I had no control over my body, and I stood there helpless.
He smirked, "You can't, can you? Of course you cannot, nobody could once within my grip." He laughed quietly. At this point I was nearly shaking with fright. What was going on, Why wasn't I running right now, screaming like a maniac? This man was obciously a lunatic, and Koren was probably already home, wondering where I was. Not to mention that it was going to begin pouring any moment.



Soooo, Its not much, I know, but it may end up changing my entire storyline. I am thinking about completely rewriting the whole thing. hmmm. but I don't know yet.
Otherwise, my day was pretty uneventful. I got my big science project in. and otherwise it was just school. XP But I think I'm out of the blogging mood for the moment, I may or may not post a poem or something later. we shall see.

hmmm.

New pic, (yes again) what do you guys think? I got to hang out w/ Anthony a couple hours ago, that was fun (we never get to talk anymore) and I didn't get to go to my mom's house tonight (even though I have only seen her like once in the past 3 weeks. But otherwise things have been ok.
I'm thinking about switching out of AP geometry, I am not good enough at math for insane stuff like that, and my grades are suffering terribly. I'm also hoping for a new English teacher in the process, right now, Mr. Rees is really getting on my nerves. His teaching style, and my learning style/ what I would like to learn, collide in so many different ways. XP
Sooo, otherwise I really don't know what to write about for today. It was long and strange, and I would like to go to bed right now more than anything, but I need to clean the bathroom so I can take a shower, and take a shower so I can do my homework, and do my homework so I can sleep. I have a feeling that tonight is going to be another one of those stay up until its time to go- type nights. grr. On top of this, I think I might be getting sick. I have a killer headache, and I keep feelng like I'm going to pass out. strangestrangestrange.
I think i'm going to write something tonight. maybe later.
But for now, I better go clean the bathroom *yuck* XP
I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Intense.

I have been in such a strange mood lately, though now, instead of feeling lonely, I am feeling rather happy to be alone. Its relaxing. I have tons of homework to do tonight though... bleh.
Neautique's party was insane in every way shape and form. If you were there, you know why. I'm up to 16!!! anyways, today was really strange, hectic, and all around random. I still am having trouble completely wrapping my head around it. Though I am dreading school tomorrow, I'm kind of excited to see some people. I have something important to tell you, so call/email me A.S.A.P. And now, I shall write a poem (its just off the top of my head, so don't be too harsh on it)

The dark starless night beckons me,
bringing me far too near
The howling wind, whispers secrets
With people all too deaf to hear,

They hide in a blanket of darkness,
But letting no one see,
The reality of those nightmares,
That forever haunt you and me.

I'm carried into madness,
And drawn away from sanity,
I'm face to face with demons,
And shown the evils of humanity,

I love you, I hate you.
Why can't I just exist?
And as that dark sky beckons me,
I know I must resist.

okay, I've gotten some of my freewriting out of my system for today, so I better start my homework.
I love you guys <3

parties, homework, and broken cell phones.

SOOooo, updating my blog sounds more appealing than homework right now, so it is what i shall do. I can't wait for the party tomorrow, and I get to see KATIE!!!! yay! I haven't seen her in forever. I'm going to be a pirate, or a pirate's mistress as my sister says. ( yeah, don't ask) anyways, I have like 6 tests to take tomorrow :( I am so gonna fail some of these classes XP I wish I was a lot smarter sometimes... Oh, and if you have been trying to call me or something, my cell phone is broken, so I can recieve some calls (on a rare occasion) I can barely make calls (sometimes I cant at all) and my phone is apparently possesed by Kristen (yes chalmy) or something because It keeps calling random people in my contacts w/ out me realizing it. Stupid phone. XP oh yeah, and I am actually back to writing my vampire story again (no it is not finished yet) its getting really exciting though, I cant wait to see what happens next! :P (yeah, I know I'm writing it) well better go lunge into that increasingly gigantic pile of homework, hope to see you tomorrow, if not, please call or email me. I love you guys <3
~sami

Back home and ready to roll. well, back home anyways.

SOOOOOOoooo... how was life without me for a week? Unbearable, I know. :P either that or peaceful- same thing really. hehe. so school starts again tomorrow (man, that really brings down a good mood... ) and most of my friends have been getting into reasonable amounts of trouble these past couple weeks. Narcia has been grounded (though I think thats over now) and Alvin(this is my knew name for alex because it is amusing) almost got put into juvinile hall (no kidding) for arson. WTH!!!!???? And is now at home (thank God) but in a lot of trouble as you could probably imagine. bleh. Have you ever had the feeling where you just don't want to be anywhere at all, when you don't really want to be at home, but you don't want to go anywhere either. It is such a hopeless feeling. And then you end up moping over yourself for who-knows-how-long trying to figure out a cure for insanity.
Its so easy to feel more lost than imaginable now. I often wonder if it is just me, or everyone else, but just in a less vocal way. Its hard to believe that everyone else is going through this at the same time mostly because there doesn't seem to be an affect on them. They are all just a bunch of giggly cliquey girls that are always laughing about or at someone/thing, or a bunch of guys goofing off and being dumb about something or another. And then, the teachers are the worst, taking complete dictatorship over all of these numb brained teens without any responsibility or sensitivity to what they are actually doing. I actually got a note on my English paper saying that yes it was well written and exemplified the subject that we were writing on, but I have too much going on in my life, and should stop over thinking things in my writing. What happened to Thoughtful Essays? Thought in itself just seems to be a recently forgotten matter, either that or it has never existed and I am only realizing it now.
I could really use an extended period of peace right about now, but alas, school begins in less than 12 hours and I need to begin preparing w/ things such as completing homework and sleep.
I love you guys. Call me.

so long for now

my flight leaves in about 2 hours, so I guess I'll talk to you later, byebye!!

Continuing on w/ our lives.

So, I haven't posted in a while... (kind of hard to do when your teachers are drowning you in hw) But for those that are unaware, I am leaving for my mission trip on sunday. (yes this sunday) and I will be gone for a week, getting back just in time for my Uncle's wedding. And In that note, my mom may be getting married next week, a small private wedding, but it would be legal then.
Back to the mission trip, Ginger and I will be going to Mendenhall, Mississippi, a poor, rural part of Mississippi where we will be w. some members of our church helping out people in the community through the church, the schools, and just some neighborhood people that could use some help. Im really excited, a little nervous, but excited nontheless. Schools been getting a little better lately. I've actually found myself to be a little numb to everything at school, which is probably why it is better, but I think I'm picking up my actual schoolwork a little better, just one less thing to be stressed out about, and that's nice. Its kind of scary though to be truthful. I've found myself becoming more and more "numb" to nearly everything around me lately, as if my personality has been just slowly melting away. I've been praying a lot, and improving my realationship w/ God is a releif more than anything, but other than that, my friendships are becoming less and less personal, with me not being able to really spend time w/ anybody anymore.
Well besides this entire post's melancholy tone, believe it or not, things in my life seems to be improving to some extent. I've been able to get a lot more involved in my music lately and that seems to bring a general joy, the other day I was kind of daydreaming while playing my flute, and like 15 minutes had passed without me really realizing what I was playing, or that I was even playing, and when I snapped out of it I was kind of shocked. I still wonder what I was playing, or what it sounded like... hmm... I've also been getting more proactive w/ my cello (I got a new teacher) and I've been talking to Mr. Liuzzi about taking up the Sax. again because he was talking about putting together sax. quartets. I also hope to get our keyboard fixed soon, so I can get back up there w/ the keyboard. The funny thing is how much time I actually spend w/ all of this music (i enjoy it more than anything) yet I can't see myself going any further than high school w/ my music. (I still want to be a veterinary scientist, or something of the sort.) It really makes me wonder how my life will turn out... hmm.
If you get the chance, call me before I leave, I would really like to talk to you.

methinks

Methinks that mes wantses to goes to a performingy artses school for mes wonderfulnessy writing skills. what does you thinks?

That would be really cool though. (sorry its hard for me to type using fake bad grammar) also I would be able to get more involved in my school work allowing me to be able to do just what I want in life, rather than follow the regular plan, it would be more beneficial to me, and less of a timewaster. I feel that it would be something that I could easily get into. Now, just try to explain that to everyone else. gah!!

bleh, I have to go do my tons of homework now, but just though I would share that micro-though with ustedes.

The UK (again)

hehe, i found a program that would let me go to the U.K. on a student exchange trip for a semester or a year, (I would probly do the semester) and my dad quickly, and briefly said I could go. It may have been on on the spot question, but he still said yes!!! Hehe. Next year, I may be going to school in Europe. heck, maybe I could leave in january (that would be the second semester trip) Mwahahahahahaa. This is exctiting. :)

Social Events, Halloween and the U.K.

I've been posting quite regularly, haven't I? Things have been looking up yet, for some reason I still fell this, well *refer to previous post* Anyways, today we got seating assignments in band (I got first chair *yay*) and we did all kinds of crazy stuff in all of my other classes. Though I can't recall anything specific for some reason. And all is at a blank. I'm really glad to have friday off this week, I've been sick anyways, and I could really use a day just to rest and recover. I would also really like to meet up w/ some friends sometime soon, so if you have nothing better to do this weekend, call me!
Also I'm thinking about Halloween parties soon, but im not sure, so if you have any comments or ideas on that matter, comment me. Though If I did have a halloween party, im not sure who exactly I'd invite. There's of course Narcia, Psycho, and Parillian. Along w/ alex, and a few other people I haven't seen in a while. but truthfully, I am yet to actually make a good friend at school. grr. it is frusterating.
Halloween is also on a friday this year, and i know my parents are having a party, so chances are that my friends still trick or treat, and wouldn't want to come anyways. hmmm.
I really need another outlet for these types of social events. During school it is almost impossible to be social (I'm busy doing school stuff) and after school activities are mostly seniors that want nothing to do with a freshman outside of the after school meetings.
I want to be an exchange student to the UK or something. that would be AWESOME. I'll look into it.