wraaaaaaaawr. *yawn*

sami needs to talk to some people, make some plans, and recover from the minor and major shocks of this past weekend. I hadn't really looked at a calendar recently I guess, so I was kind of taken aback when I realized that my birthday is indeed in less than a week. 5 days to be exact... and I am still yet to make/settle any plans for the weekend. hmmm, I hope things work out, not that I was planning much.
In the other angles of my life right now, I'm not sure what I'm doing or how. Some things seem to be working, others- well, not so much.
School- I don't even want to talk about it right now... -.-
Friends- Why can't we talk, and be close like we used to be? I feel like some people are being super secretive, and I wish that our friendship was stronger than such things...
Relationship- Amazing! wonderful! What's more to be said? Though at times a little confusing. I just wish we could see each other more often, that things were a little less foggy on my end.
Family- WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING AT ME!? It's more stressful than you could know. And why do I get the feeling that the ones that aren't yelling, don't want anything to do with me. That is a depressing thought.
Religion- I don't even know anymore. I mean, I do- it's just that things seem so unclear right now, and there is a general lack of connection within me. That connection, what used to be the only thing holding me in, now seems to be missing. Chances are it's my own fault. Okay, it IS my own fault. I just don't really know what to do, as what usually helps me through such things is now gone. Or at least very quiet.

I feel so lost and confused. Does anybody have a map I could borrow? I lost mine, along with my phone and glasses :P


Whoa, major mood swing within the past 5 hours, huh...

gah, I have so much homework to do now, so I'd better be going.
<3<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Ay, me...

As I slowly drown in happiness brought unto my by some unknown, beautiful force- I stop to wonder if it really is. But then, to be quickly reassured by the most amazing person I've ever met on this lowly planet of ours, to know that yes, it is real. And yes, I truly am happy.

hmmm.

I have been realizing today, well more so late last night, that I have been being really weird lately. I don't mean the normal sami-type weird madness either, but just not myself. I don't really know why, or how, or if it's actually gone yet. I do know that if I said something strange, or have just been not myself, it's all me. And hopefully it will be gone soon.
Just putting that out there. I love you guys, and to all my close friends, Thank You So Very Much. Not putting out any names *hmmhmmjackiehmmhmm* but some of you have really been there for me for the past while through thick and thin, you're the best friends I've got. And truthfully, I don't even know how I've managed to come across such amazing people in my life.
Just a little heart to heart.
<3<3
~SAMiSAYStHANkS

th countdown continues.

1 hour left. =o

The Sami...

has been very moody lately. gah. And she doesn't know why. And it's driving her nuts.
For starters, this post will be a short one, because it is late at night, sami is tired, and sami is crabby. Actually, more so thoroughly depressed. But that is not important to me right now- well not important enough to write about...
Chococat is being very strange and it is beginning to frighten me... (he keeps crawling on the top of the cage and doing crazy gymnist stuff. We only have two days of school this week, and I dread it all the same XP. I really just don't like the idea of being around people right now, but I'm hoping to come around within the next 8 hours or so...
8 hours. Thats 6.5 hours of sleep, and only if I go to sleep now. (and trust me, that's just not going to happen) thats 7 hours before I need to be up and active. 7.5 before I must walk into the bitter cold. 8 before I must deal with school authorities and their pointless rules.
I really don't like mondays.

Until I'm in a better mood,
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

and chrurch in the morrow

Soo, here you are again, reading the blog of some strange teen. Hehe, I laugh at you. Not really though, I truly and sincerely appreciate your reading this. I haven't quite figured out how or why yet, but those are things to be worked out later. :P
Well, the Sami is in a rather good mood today to be honest. I had quite a few friends in my now only slightly disorganized bedroom. Some of which friends, might I add, I haven't seen since June!! (celyna, why do you do this to me?) Ay. lol. Oh yeah, and Terrell has recently shown me that I use the word (well more of an expression, or noise really) "Ay" too often. Truthfully I hadn't really noticed that I even say it until now...
Sami has been listening to a lot of Aqua today. This may be either the cause, or result of my recently aquired contentment. Hmmm. It also may later be the cause of me dying my hair pink and wearing extremely bright rainbow colors for the rest of my life. We can only guess at this point. No worries for now though, I'm still with my darkish brown hair, and boring jeans, cami, sweater setting for now. For now...
This weekend has been extremely relaxing so far, and to think that Sunday is in less than an hour hurts my brain. Why must the weekends be so short? But because they are, and because tomorrow is sunday already, sami must now get sleep and hope for the best at church tomorrow.

I love you guys <3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Thank God It's Friday!!!

really. I don't think I would have been able to manage another day of this week. Though it did go by quite quickly, It was exhausting nonetheless. And next week we only have school on Monday and Tuesday, and then... VACATION. yay! So here the Sami sits at her 'puter, awaiting yet another phone call ^,^ silly silly...
There is much dreaming to be done this weekend, both literally and metaphorically. I need SLEEP. and on the other hand, I have lots of things that I would like to do this weekend. You know, the usual homework, movie, friends, FLY. Oh yes, dream big. Not to mention the writing that needs to be done this weekend.
I found myself doing a lot of reminiscing today with memories of middle school, and all of those crazy people that I dealt with on a daily basis. Strange days I tell you, strange days. Though I do miss them to some minimal extent. Not to mention all of the people I've recently been talking to from then. The internet is an amazing thing.
But alas, it is late in the morning, and I have run out of legitimate things to write for now. So until later.
<3<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

yo no se. jajaja.

yo voy hablar en espanol hoy. ?por que? porque yo QUIERO hablar en espanol. tuve una dia bien y mal. no fui al colegio, porque me siento mareada.
ok, that's enough of that. If you could understand the last sentance you get a golden star for today. ^^
And if you couldn't understand it, I guess you'll just have to ask me later. so mwahaha. I have been writing a lot more lately. so that's happy, I guess. Just this past week, I've finalized a short story, and 3 poems. Not a whole lot, but because I am completely done typing them and everything, I'm pretty happy with it.
I also took out some time to play with chococat today. (I haven't held him or anything in quite a while) And that was interesting. I was lucky to not be bitten again though. He's a mean little bugger. I've also gotten a lot done today as far as cleaning my room. You can see a lot of the carpet. :o Amazing, right? Man do I have a lot of clothes though! I swear, I could completely resemble a different high school stereotype for every day of the week if I wanted to. :P lets see
Monday- Goth
Tuesday- Prep
Wednesday- Emo/Scene
Thursday- Nerd/Geek
Friday- Sami (yeah, I'm a stereotype all on my own :)

That would definitely be an interesting week.
Oh yeah, I'm getting chococat a mini carebear for his cage for christmas. but shhhhhh, don't tell him. It's sposed to be a surprise!
<3 you guys!!!
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

band concerts, best friends, and Bellatrix...

Well I was going to make this a happy post, because in reality, things in my life have been simmering down quite a bit. I don't really know why it seems that way, but I guess peace of mind is just something that we will have to learn to live with. :P
In any case, I was going to make this a happy post, but really everything mentioned in the title is kind of depressing to me right now. So maybe we won't go into all of it, but for a quick overview:
Bellatrix- my pet goldfish, died T-T R.I.P mylove.
Best Friends- are currently giving me pain, and confusion in high doses.
and lastly...
Band Concerts- Well let's just say I'm glad its done.

On a happier note I did get to go to Anthony with Narcia today, and we got to hang out with Haugen for a while (that was interesting to say the least) not to mention the finally TRULY POSITIVE COMMENTARY that I got on my poem from somebody that actually had something to say. Gah, Mr. Rees is making me mental with such things. (and yes I know what you're thinking "Sami, you already are mental").
Oh, and Chococat is changing colors. hmm, strange, strange, strange...

<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

leave with a slightly creepy stranger

And so without giving yourself much time to think about your situation clearly, you hop on the back of the horse through the window and take off with the man in the cloak. After an hour or so of riding you get the nerve up to ask a few questions.
"Who are you? Where are we going?"
"Who am I? You haven't recognized me yet? Why it was only two nights ago that we met in the woods, that, to answer your other question, we are now headed."
"The wolf. Why are you taking me back with you? Wasn't it you that nearly killed me the other night?
"Ah, so now you remember. And yes that was me; terribly sorry by the way. I'm taking you back because you'll die if I don't."
"So you're telling me that you, the one that tried to kill me the other night, is now trying to rescue me from the people that saved my life after your attack."
"Precisely."
And with that, there was silence for the rest of the trip and eventually you found yourself yet again drifting to sleep.

When you awoke, you were laying on a pile of leaves in the middle of a the dark forest that you had wandered through nights ago. You looked around and could see the man, now a wolf again, sleeping a couple yards away. You got up, with the pain in your side noticeable, but not quite as sharp as the day before, and you began to wander through the woods again, (never said you were too bright) and you could see the full pale moon shining down light from overhead.
Suddenly you felt the dull pain in your abdomen become a sharp stinging pain once again, and you felt yourself falling to the ground, losing consciousness.
You regained consciousness with sunshine pouring down on you, and you were horrified to awake with your clothes and skin stained with blood.
Not fully realizing what was going on, you were then swiftly lifted up from behind and found yourself on the back of a horse with the same man as the night before. He stopped at a nearby river and you washed off most of the blood from your skin and clothes.
"Just as I had thought... you are lucky I picked you up when I did yesterday, or you would be dead right now." Said the man, with an awkward smirk on his face.
"What is going on? What is happening to me?"
And as you began to realize the absolute severity of the situation once again you lost consciousness, but this time regained it on a couch, in a smokey room.
And because Sami the narrator is getting bored with this story, you got up and said "Whoa, trippy..." and walked back to your next-door apartment.

:D

hehe, that was interesting, was it not?

love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

samisaysbleh.

yeah, that one doesn't ring as well.
Today shall be a stressful one for the sami, with somebody close to her going through even more extremely stressful situtaions. Ugh, i wish there was something I could DO. and Alex, I'll have you know that you are my best friend in the world, and I don't think I could live if it weren't for that.

Lord, i am so glad it's friday.

I think that this weekend is going to be a scary movie and homework weekend. I think my switch a few weeks ago from asocial, to completely social is taking too large of an effect on my brain, therefor even further deepening the insanity of my life. And furthermore, I'm thinking that I want to watch Sweeney Todd this weekend, and I need to do a lot of homework. :)

<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

mwhahahahaha.

This is the most amazing thing. EVER.

yay. well sorta.

Why is it that the day that I finally get a chance to sleep in, I can't sleep at all? Gah. I woke up at like 730 this morning, so now I am sooo bored, and tired. can't sleep though. hmm.
I wish that I was this awake every other morning :/

What will you guys do w/ me?

hehehe. I died my hair. And now it looks black. but its not. and these sentences are really short.
So, between school, homework, and the remaining time being used for my small "social" life, I have found myself to have gone almost completely insane. Well, actually if you put it all together that just means that things have been normal for me.
Between Alvin with his parasites, and Narcia with her amazingness, things haven't been too bad either. well except for the parasites *eeeww* But I gotta leave for school in aproximately 11.68 minutes. so I'll finish talking about nonsense, and posting the next part of that story later.

I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Apologies for the mini-break.

So I wrote that last part of the story, and I sat and I thought. And I though and I sat. But could think of nothing that the character could do to save him/herself. So I am deciding now, just to make up a bunch of stuff and see where it goes :) Just like how it all started out. mmkay?

So, you sat in that small rose covered room with your mind wandering between possible escape routes, and Rosemary's mention of chains, when someone appeared at your window. A person wearing a long black cloak, and riding on a huge black horse stood there looking at you. "I'm here to save you. You have a choice, come with me and live, or stay here, and be burned like the others."
His voice sounded strangely familiar and you sat for a moment pondering on all of the possible outcomes. To leave the people that saved you and tended you wounds, trusting a man that you don't know, or to stay with the people that once saved you, but now speak of chains and killings.

Aha!!! I did it! So now quickly make your choice, leave or stay. Once again it's up to you...
MWAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahahahahahaaa. haha.

So you stay where you are.

It's probably for the better, and you don't think that you could make it that far anyway, so you decide just to relax, and as the tall man said, try to get some rest.
When you wake up you are still surrounded by roses, but this time there seems to be some type of civilization set up. You are inside a small hut like area, and from a nearby window you can see people walking outside, all busy doing one thing or another. You look around the room you are in and are able to see through a doorway, the same tall pale man, and with him an even paler woman. They seem to be having some sort of argument, though you are not quite able to make out what it is that they are saying.
You once again tried to sit up, forgetting your injuries, and feel a sharp pain in your abdomen. You let out a gasp, and lay back down. But with the noise, the man looks over and comes to your bedside.
"So, you are awake again. You must be starving. Unfortunately,we don't really have any food prepared, but I will have Rosemary fetch you some water."
You quickly realized that you were very hungry, and thirsty. You haven't eaten anything since your journey began. So you didn't object to a glass of water. And as he turned to walk out the door, you remembered what he had said earlier. "Wait! what did you mean earlier, when you talked about me being infected? What did you mean?" You suddenly became overrun with anxiety of the thought of being killed in this unknown realm of chaos, and tried to sit up again. He held you down, and quickly told you that you must not get so worked up.
Before you could say or do anything else, he had left and you were once again, alone.
A while later the girl that you saw earlier came in with a glass of water. She handed it to you and said "Hi, I'm Rosemary. I'm the one that found you out in the woods last night."
"Oh." I said, trying to sound thankful "Thanks for saving me."
She had a soft airy voice that seemed far away, "It's getting late, I'd better get the locks ready..." And she left the room.


will post the rest later. :)

the dark wooded area... scary scary...

So, relieved that you managed to get away from those nasty insects, you decide to turn the couch, and start floating towards that dark, forested area. Though it may not have been the wisest choice, because there is now way of telling what you are getting into, you go that way anyways.
As you reach shore you begin to get a little spooked by the complete and total darkness that lies ahead. Once on the island you cannot actually see anything, all you can do is stand, listening to the rustling you can hear in the bushes ahead. You swear that you can see little glowing lights in the wilderness too, but are quick to blame it on paranoia, and continue to go deeper into the woods.
As you are walking, your eyes begin to adjust more, and you find yourself stumbling a bit less on things on the ground. You can hear some movement in the bushes and trees around you, but manage to keep your wits and continue walking.
Suddenly you hear a voice behind you and turn to face a very large dog-like creature. "What are you doing here?!" said a snarly, hostile voice.
You consider running, but find yourself unable to move. "I-I... I'll be leaving, just..."
"No human is supposed to be in this area, you don't understand. If you stay here you will be infected. Unless... have you been bitten, or come into contact with any creature on this island?"
"No, on the island back there I got bitten by some nasty butterflies, but all I have seen here, is darkness, and you." You showed him the damage done to your arms by the butterflies, as still fresh blood dripped down your arm.
"Butterflies? what do you..." he looked down at your arm and suddenly got a crazed look in his eye.
Before you could jump out of the way, he pounced on you and began to sink his teeth into your already bloody arm. You let out a horrifying shriek, though nobody could hear you, and as you lay there helpless, you could feel your body being flung about and torn to pieces as you slowly lost consciousness.
When you awoke, it was light outside and you were alone. There were red roses all around you, just as you had seen from afar while in the middle of the lake. The strange thing was that these roses were not like any you had ever seen before, for they were not only growing in bushes, but in big patches out of trees, and the ground. And some where not even growing at all, but just layed out, as if freshly put there. Rose petals where blowing in the wind, and landing everywhere.
You tried to sit up, but couldn't and soon remembered the werewolf that had attacked you. You now had bandages wrapped around most of your body, and as you moved you could see blood seeping up through them.
You called out, to see if anyone was near, and when you did, a shadow appeared behind a rose covered tree. Before you could get a close look, a very tall, pale man was standing over you.
"I see you're awake, and it's a good thing too. You see, it's not everyday that a mortal as yourself survives a bloody werewolf attack. But luckily, Rosemary found you and treated your wounds, though it will take a while to see whether or not you've been infected. In which case we'll have to kill you anyway."
You were already dazed from just waking up in a place you had never seen before, but now, you were more confused than you had ever been. "Infected? Kill me? What do you mean?"
"Ah, so sorry, I can see that I have already disturbed your healing. You should get some more rest. We'll talk later." And with that, he was gone.
Now, of course after that conversation, there was no way you could sleep. But it may be hard to do anything else. You could try to get up, and make your way back to the shore, but may run into trouble, with both your recently acquired wounds, or the people that brought you here. There was no way that they were normal, and you couldn't outrun them with how quickly the other one moved. But, if you stayed where you were, they might kill you. Or so he said, what did he mean by "infected"...

Sooo, what will you do now. Run, or stay?
Comment and choose your fate!
It's all up to you!
well, to some extent anyways :P

whoa

I just realized that with that story I just randomly switched from 1st person to 2nd person. :P whoops.
anyways, just thought I'd let you know that I am at least consciously insane.
hmmm, I am in a surprisingly good mood today. not that im usually in a bad mood. But I've been just extremely content all day today. well except for walking home from school without a coat today, that was cold. *brrrrrrrr*
But for now, I am reasonably happy :) and unfortunately, you probably have the power to change that. Nope, not today, you don't get that power.
well now, I'm kind of wandering with my thoughts, so I'll let you comment and tell me where to go next with that random story :)
I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

the meadow

You turn the couch towards the meadow, and begin to float into more shallow water. As you reach the shore you begin to see that those "flowers" were not flowers at all, but rather huge clusters of brilliantly colored butterflies. You cannot quite make out what they are all clustering around, but decide to get onto the land anyway.
From the moment you place your foot on the ground, the butterflies leave whatever they are hovering around, and start to float towards you. Mesmerized by the pretty colors, you fail to see the bloody fangs that the butterflies have emerging from their mouths, and even more shocking, the gory ripped apart human body pieces that they were recently feeding upon.
You allow one to rest on your hand, and almost instantly feel a sharp pain, and look down to see that blood is pouring out of your hand.
You scream and begin to run, but they are chasing you way too quickly and begin swarming over your body.
Just as you start thinking that this is the end, a giant pinapple with a coconut on its head emerges from the water and eats most of the man-eating butterflies with a loud *gulp* the rest fly away in fear. You quickly thank the pinapple, and in fear of it eating you next, you get back onto the sofa, and begin to float away.
Once again in the near center of the silver lake, you have 3 choices, 1- the marsh land, with lots of ponds and lush grass and plants. 2- the land of red roses, or 3- the darker forested area.

Once again, I'm leaving your own dillusional fate up to you. (well sort of anyways)
Where will you go next?
COMMENT TO SAVE YOUR SOUL
ok, not really, but
COMMENT TO SAVE YOUR IMAGINARY STORYBOOK PARALLEL!!

oh yeah...

I was going to write something fantastical about rainbows and unicorns and such, so here goes.

So I sat in my room, alone that day, angry at the world as usual, when suddenly, a strange odor emerged from the apartment next to mine. I went over and knocked to make sure that nothing was on fire, but when somebody opened the door a world of smoke and fog surrounded my head, and I was led inside. Immediately after walking in a strange lightness had wrapped itself around my brain as if my head was filling with helium, and I found myself needing to sit down. I found the nearest couch, and was offered a drink, not thinking about it, I took a sip. It tasted funny and had a strange texture, but I wasn't left with much time to think about it because I was in a whole new world.
I woke up in a strange state, on the same couch, but everything around me had changed completely. The sofa was now floating on a silver colored lake, and were four different land forms surrounding me.
One looked forested and slightly dark, the 2nd looked cleared out like a meadow, and full of flowers and light. The 3rd was green, lush, and had ponds all over. and the 4th had deep red roses covering the entire land.


LEAVE A COMMENT TO TELL WHICH ISLAND TO GO TO!!!! THE FATE OF A DRUGGED ALTERNATE YOU IS IN YOUR HANDS!!!


btw, this is all off of the top of my head, so i can't promise you, but i can tell you that im pretty sure that this is going somewhere. so just comment.

70th POST!!!

I could make a really bad joke here, but I won't.
So anyways, today was interesting, but I am now very tired, so here is my latest poem. (and yes I am aware that that didn't make any sense.

Your eyes reflect my grievances,
My heart can feel your pain,
You hold me tightly as the tears,
Roll down my cheeks like rain

And when held in my weakness,
On you I will depend,
Trusting that you'll always be
My lover and my friend

And as the tears drip down your cheeks
I'll hold you close to me,
Until you begin to say,
That it could never be

I want to get away from you
I want to see your pain
To show just what you meant to me
As forever tears pour down like rain

And rotting in disgust of you
The answer was so clear
That through simply trusting me
You had nothing to fear

so there, that's my poem. and feel free to comment w/ CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
CONSTRUCTIVE meaning that no, I am not in the mood to be called emo. so leave me alone of you have nothing sensible to say. XP
sorry. I just really hate being called that... and if you got to know me, you would soon realize how wrong they are.

well, I better get my hw done and go to bed before I get all splodey and stuff.


I love you guys <3 (yes even you meanies that go around labeling people)
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

wow

I just read through most of my blog posts on this thing.
Maaan I could make a book out of this thing easy.

Blah, im still sick, actually, more sick and I can't hang out w/ narcia and everyone because of it. Along w/ the fact that I don't have a ride. psh. i DON'T KNOw wHAT TO DO, AND i FEEL LiKE MY HEAD iS GOiNG TO GET ALL SPLODEY AND STUFF!!

Plus I have to go to the doctor sometime soon to get my blood tested for this gene that my mom has. I don't know why, or what will happen if I do, or if it even matters. All I know, is that I have to go to the doctor so they can stick some needles in me and play with my blood.
funfunfun.

SARCASTiC & SiCK
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

tired, sick, exaughsted, and thrown in the center of chaos.

The title pretty much says it all, but I spose I get to explain now.
As whoever has been around me the past couple of day would know, I'm sick. And currently, REALLY sick.
This weekend was really fun, but I am soooooooooo glad that we have the day off tomorrow. Otherwise I just might explode. well, maybe not. But I would be very distraught right about now to say the least.
Well today was interesting... I had cello lessons (but was sooooooo out of it because of the medicine I took to contain my constant migranes, fevers, and runny nose XP), I spoke @ church today along w/ Ginger, and Aimee (another girl @ church) about our trip to MS. That was a trainwreck for me (everyone else did great) but I am definitely NOT the public speaker type.
Anyways, Im kind of zoning right now. (Its taken me like 10 min. just to write these few sentances) bleh, I hate the effects of drugs. but I hate headaches and fevers even more.
I was originally going to write a poem, but I am finding my motivation towards that decreasing rapidly as I realize just how difficult it is to make a non entirely random blog post.
So if you are as sick of reading this, as I am as sick of writing it, I'd better stop soon.
I <3 you guys!
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR