Last Post of 2008 ^^

So, rather than do a massive post about the wondrous and erm not-so-wondrous things about this past year, I'm going to keep it semi-short, and semi-sweet... like chocolate chips... lol.
And while sitting trying to figure out what to write, of course inspiration strikes...
The easily best thing that has happened to me this year (and even years preceeding) starts talking to me on facebook... ^.^ and immediately thoughts of how wonderful this past month or so has been alone come rushing into my mind...
But let's start at the beginning, shall we? (Oh God, this is gonna get long, I can see it already)
In January all that I can really remember is that's when I started insane journaling... like 5 pages a day at the very least... and that was before bloggy... and then year-year-year ummm... then blog started...
Wow, this whole reminiscing thing is harder than I though it would be... I'm just too happy where I am right now. =) <3
What I do remember is that the start, and most of the middle and beginning of the end of this year wasn't exactly easy... far from it really. Sure, there were some good memories made, but things got pretty rough at times, and I'm sure most of my close friends could agree with that. But as far as a performance goes, the finale made up for all the flaws and dissonance that was in the beginning. Looking at my life, and the lives of my close friends- things are going pretty well... better than I remember them being before to say the least. Everyone seems happy, and at peace- well as close as a teenager gets to peace, that is.
So cruddy year, happy memories, spectacular finish... If that makes sense to you- you just know me too well ^^
I hope you all have a great night, year, morrow and whatever else happens from now until the time you read this.. :)
I love you guys! Enjoy what's left of 2008!
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Late-night Blogging (Probably not a good idea)

AHA!!! It's about 1:45 am, and the sami is rather content after a heart-pulling conversation with Trall...
So, I could talk of so much randomness right now- piggy banks, cockroaches, adopted babies from china, play dough, wii bowling toddlers, rainbow socks, cookies, trampolines, purple hair dye, photo booth, iPhones, cellos, elmo band-aids, bruises, insomnia, this could go on for days....
Anyways, I could go on with so many things but for now I think I'm gonna stick to my favorite topic- do you know? I think you do...
When I think of him my face lights up, and my heart physically goes nuts- Jackie is a first person witness of such things. When I talk to him, my face turns red, and I lose my breath just trying to comprehend what he is saying. And then to believe that what he says is true- a whole different world. When I see him, nothing is wrong in the world. Nothing. No exaggeration here at all. Everything is perfect. I am yet to find a single flaw within him, and when he claims me as his- as though he truly finds me worthy- I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I scare even myself sometimes thinking about how hard I find myself falling for him, and yet- somehow I trust him enough to keep falling all the same.
I had been forewarned many times of such things by others. I keep telling myself- don't do this, sami. Don't let yourself be torn apart, don't let yourself get broken.- I keep having to remind myself to throw back on the protective cover, because whenever I am around him, my world opens up to no end. It is impossible for me to not trust in what he says, to not know just how far I've fallen, to not take off that shell and leave it off. And it's not as though this isn't what I want, God knows just how much it is... I am really happy when I think about him, I find myself drowning in an ocean of euphoric thoughts when I talk to him, and when I see him- when I hug him, when I am with him- My entire life, mindset all become suddenly ecstatic. The last thing I would want to do is ignore, or throw away these feelings- how could something that makes me so happy, that makes life so wonderful be the cause of so much pain later? What is it that I am so afraid of, really? It seems completely unreasonable at this point to continue telling myself no; to continue holding myself back emotionally. What reason do I have to not trust his promises? What reason did he have to so quickly trust mine? And better yet, does he?
Wow, for a 3 in the morning blog post (yeah, I took a few breaks for showering and such) this is getting rather intense. I guess my main points here are that I really do care about him, and at this point I really trust him. We shall see whether or not this destroys me in the end; but as of now, I have faith that it won't.
Well, I gotta be awake in 4 hours, so I better be going to bed soon. I hope you guys are all living wonderful lives- I've let you guys peek into my shell, but I'm really hoping that all is well within your guys'.
I love you guys (now don't you forget it)
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR<3

Myspace Graphics



I found some really Cute Myspace Layouts at Doobix.com

CHRISTMAS *yay*

So, the day has come- yes it is Christmas at last. Holiday cheer spread all around (well, if they aren't too busy screaming at you... XP) I love my family, they are just very noisy when all put together. VERY, VERY NOISY... so, after spending a few hours with them, Sami has escaped to her lair with a pb&j sandwich and plans to go nowhere until forced out by parents. (This could be anytime now...)
Anyways I better get going, but just thought I'd post a little mini-blog while I had the chance.
Hope you guys have an amazing Christmas!!!
<3<3<3


Fwahahaha, I would post a christmas-y song, but I figured you guys would be sick of it. Soooo- MORE COLDPLAY!!
God, I'm so weird... I know- just lemme be.
Merry Christmas
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Are you ready for this?

Probly not... but I shall show you anyways... fwahaha. The polished turned-in version of an earlier off-the-top-of-my-head blog poem. Just though I'd give you a little insight of what happens to some of the things I write here.

The Most Difficult Thing

The dark starless night beckons me,
Bringing me far too near
The howling wind, whispers secrets
With people all too deaf to hear,

They hide in a blanket of darkness,
But letting no one see,
The reality of those nightmares,
That forever haunt you and me.

I'm carried into madness,
And drawn away from sanity,
I'm face to face with demons,
And shown the evils of humanity,

A slave to your reality;
Why can't I just exist?
And as that dark sky beckons me,
I know I must resist.

And you belong with me...

I am up too early for this madness...

*yay* happy happy day. woah, all of those words ended with a "y" =P

wrawr. ^^
Today was reasonably happy, and the upcoming days are to be even happier. Why, because I said so, and also because I can make of the days what I want to. Buuuut, mostly just because I said so.
NO SCHOOL FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!!!
How could one not celebrate? No school means more time for writing, seeing friends, and sleeping- not to mention just not having to go to school :)
Christmas is in less than a week O.o This has it's ups and downs:
Ups-
Happy Happy Holiday Cheer
Phony Christmas Specials on TV
Getting to see family and friends
Not being attacked for playing Christmas music on mah flute... :P
General Christmas matter

Downs-
Dealing with the materialistic parts of Christmas
Phony Christmas Specials on TV
Rushing around and everyone being uptight in an attempt to impress family and friends
No more looking forward to Christmas once it ends
No more looking forward to winter break once it's over
General Christmas matter

hmm, overall though? It's totally worth it, in my opinion anyways... :D

I hope life is treating you all well!
I love you guys
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR<3

Sami...

Is suddenly very angry. wrawr. I would avoid her until it goes away, but for now she hides in her room listening to death metal hoping it will pass.
I am so damn weird...
The more I think about it, the more of an issue I have with this whole thing. So I am left to either stop thinking, or do something about it. Thinking isn't that important, is it? -,- Is it even ok to be bothered by such things, I mean, the really aren't even up to me to overthink. It's not my life to change, not my voice to scream. I could really use some guidance here. I just don't want to wake up to find that I am nothing but a pawn of sorts. That would kill me.
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, so I guess this better be left before I create more to regret. (Not to mention the mountain of homework that awaits me.)

Crash and burn... letting the flames devour you; not only as a mortal here, but in mind and soul as well.

Well well well, that was rather poetic, wasn't it? Speaking of such things, I really need to get writing. I still gotta write a few poems, and polish two of my short stories (maybe write a new one entirely). Not to mention math, biology and geography homework... phew. I really need to start keeping better track of my stuff. And my friends, it seems that I turn away for a second (that I now know not to do) and when I return that constant gaze, they have managed to go through some epic, life-changing situation. If only I had been there, if only I had known to say- "Don't do it, it seems like a good thing now, but it's just not worth it. For your sake and my own, please don't do it."
And even so, I wonder if I could have saved them from the pain they now find themselves facing. I feel like an epic failure. T.T God knows, that's what my grades tell me...
Grrr, I think I'm gonna bring Chococat to school tomorrow... yes, that will be fun.
Well, I don't know what I'm doing right now, procrastinating even longer. Grr, what's wrong with me? -,-

sami, sami- always contradicting herself...

So, after a lovely conversation with Katie last night, many topics of discussion were thrown around, two of which, have been completely switched into reverse as of today. It is only such things that allow me to sit and reflect on how complex life can truly be... one of the conversations happened to get into talking about art, and how I was too impatient for such things... yeah, I just spent the last two hours or so painting... lmao. Sure, they're not exactly worthy of being called art, but they have lots of different colors I guess, so that's nice. :P
Sooo, today. I woke up with a generally bad start, and after injuring myself twice, losing my glasses, and becoming so cold that I started feeling warm (not a good thing) I was cursing mondays away for all eternity... luckily its the last one of the year (in a school sense, that is). Speaking of winter break, I can't wait! Hopefully I'll be able to sneak some time in to hang out with Katie, who I haven't been able to see since before halloween (this is a problem), and some time with my Trall, who I haven't seen since Saturday... (also a problem in the land of sami). Hehe, and it's only monday, why does it seem so long!?
Also, (Katie, Jackie- I'm especially looking for your insight on this one) the question came to mind today... do I cry a lot? This sounds really random, but I swear to God it's not. Just kinda wondering... idk. Have either of you guys even seen me cry? whoa, that's a strange thought... lol. I did today, but wasn't at all sad. It was strange really...
Anyways... I best be off to work on my homework for the night.
Good night, and have a good morrow.
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Happy 100th Birthpost to bloggy!!

If each post were a year, my blog would as of this post be a century old. Because each post is not a year, and because I am a blog maniac, it is actually less than a year old (10 months or so) but at 100 posts. Oh wow... O.o
So ready for the surprise now? We shall be doing some serious reminiscing here, congratulating those who have been there all along, saying farewell to those who have left, and welcoming those who have joined over this century (10 months our time) of tracking sami's life. =P

So as you can see by scrolling down to your right, my first post was way back when in March of 2008. Let's look and see, shall we?-

"So for all of you that actually LISTEN to what I am saying when I am talking non-stop at school, my nonsense is no longer limited to those 7 miserable hours of being at school. You can now choose to read what I have to say when I'm at home too!..."

and what a life changing thing that was for so many. Okee, I know, not that famous... yet... let's continue-

"So, although it may not be quite up to par with hearing my obnoxious voice when I am on a rant, or the sound of me screaming at Kristen because she had been driving me up the wall, it is better than nothing. Or worse, depending on who's reading. So with that said, why not?"

Ah yes, and with that comes our first farewell-
Kristen Chalmers R.I.P (yeah I know she's still alive, sillies)-
I knew her from 3rd grade I did, when first entering the madness of the Mpls. public school system, we were really close friends... well in 3rd grade. Then we kinda stopped talking, but in 7th grade we started talking again... well more so screaming. We never really had a peaceful friendship, or rather enemyship from that point. And now that we are no longer forced in the same building for 7 hours every day, we just never talk/scream anymore... so sad... well actually things have been pretty peaceful. (If you ever get to reading this- I <3 style="font-style: italic;">"Tonight I'm going to my high-school registration thingy, and I've finally prepared a List of classes I plan on taking next year.

AP Human Geography
Honors Geometry
Concert Band
Honors English 9
Biology
Japanese..."

And now we look at my actual schedule-
Honors English (psh, stupid)
Biology (I actually enjoy this one to some extent
Concert Band (it's band :)
Honors Geometry (biggest mistake of life)
AP Geography (its ok I guess... romo is cool)
Spanish 2 (never saw that one coming did you?)

Wow, I was a better organized 8th grader than I thought. You gotta admit I got that one planned to perfection... :) (well except for the whole spanish/japanese discussion...)
Let's skip over to Easter now, this is a truly pathetic example of sami-world in the way-back-whens...

"well its easter, so I decided rather than chance spending more time with my family than necessary, I will post the most easteriffic thing I can think of, the next chapter to my vampire story, so here goes."

Ay, so very sad...
and here we see some true sami-in-the-late-night-madness colors shining through-

"whoever invented play-dough is the greatest person ever. i LOVE play-dough. especially at 11:00 at night when I cannot sleep."

Hehe, the funniest part about that one is that 11 is considered late-night... lmao... Now we switch tones to sentimental-sami-

"What is a friend to you? To me a friend is someone that I can truly talk to and listen to without being judged, or judging. Someone that I will always love and care about."

sAww, isn't that absolutely precious? And here is where we congratulate- I say to Narcia (Jackie), King Kong (Katie), and Alvin (Alex), you guys are the bestest most amazing people I know, and you continue to amaze me in what you do (the good, the bad, and the random) every day. You've been with me through thick and thin and now I thank you, and congratulate you on surviving my existance for so long. :D I love you guys!!!!!
But that little friend thing isn't meant to be leaving out the newer members of the cult o' sami's life... For some of my survival this past blogging century is also greatly owed to Anne-Marie, my email buddy, and of course Trall, the most recent character in the life and times of Sami...
Whether you're my friend, my love, neither, or both. You are reading this, and that means you contribute to some extent (small or large) in my life. :P

But to the old friends, just how much did you help me get through? Here are some cites for you, posted in great appreciation of your friendship over the past while-

"have been feeling very melancholy the past few days, or has it been weeks? However long it has been it feels like eternity. urrg. Depression? Feeling like giving up? geeze. I haven't felt like this since last year. oy! "Life is malignant." " Though you will not see my tears, I am still crying."
What are these thoughts doing in my head!? I'm supposed to be the usually happy person. usually. I don't know what to do now. I think I need a hug. "

Icky, I remember those times. bleh. but thanks so much to you all, they were survived much to my surprise... next one-

"Why can't people just listen without trying to fix me, or telling other people about me, or judging me? Why can't they just listen?! No funny faces, or critical words, or anything. Just another person that can really know me, another person that I can really know. grrr. you people are frustrating. grr my mind is frustrating."

aAha! but looking back this is a post of victory, for I now become close to only people as explained. see? That's just how great you guys are! ^.^ next'un-

"So, today I'm posting a question, with all of these conflicts going on, do you think people should just let them go knowing that most of the people are going to different schools next year and that you won't have to see them for 3 months unless you want to, or should you try to resolve the conflicts risking makiong the situation worse. I mean, who knows, it could just resolve itself, or it could saturate and form a grudge. So keeping in mind the conflict from both points of view, what do you think I (people in general) should do?"

Hmm, never really got an answer on that 'un, but things seemed to resolve themselves pretty well I suppose... NEXT-

"-everything would either be purple or black
-everyone would be vegetarian
-the president would be an Emu
-every country would be represented by a different CareBear
-Normal would be considered the worst swear of all while Bitch would become part of every day language
-the World-Wide anthem would be Imaginary by Evanescence
-It would be Illegal to act to Dumb Blondish
-People would worship the clouds
-Clowny-Banana-Head would be the most popular insult
-It would be illegal to name your child Kristen (brings back bad memories of demonic Kristen)
-The world would be amazing"

Ok, so that wasn't exactly on topic, but It had to be reviewed. I love it! :D How could you not like the idea of the world being run by sami's hmm?

"My mum's car got smashed into (the window is comepletely shattered, and I sliced up my arm on it. (owwey) and I haven't talked to any of my friends (other than online) since Jackie's party. Aww well. Who needs friends anyway (eye twitches slightly and I begin screaming at the Television) oh yeah, me. Somebody should call me or something, or come over, or give me something to do before I burn my house down, tear off all of my clothes, and start running down the street naked yelling "they're after me, they're after me!!" because my mommy would be angry if I did that. wrawr."

Lol, yeah that was an interesting time. Gah, I still have that scar on my arm (I'm such a klutz) See what happens when sami has no katie, jackie or alex to talk to? see!?

"Oh yeah, and the fact that I think by the time we go back to school, I will be so deprived of social activity that on the first day I will walk in to the building, have a complete mental collapse and spend the first couple months of school in a mental hospital. But, that's nothing to worry about."

hehe, and the funny part is, this may have been the cause to those september social panic attacks... sooo not funny, but why am I laughing? Randomly jumping back to the Kristen note, this one had to be acknowledged here, lol-

"maaan im gonna miss kristen. who is gonna scream when i write mean things about her on my blog when shes all the way over at washburn? nobody, thats who. X( "

and it's soo true too. XDD And then of course changing the tone once again so a scarily serious situation... here goes-

"My mum went to the doctor for severe leg pain and they found a blood clot, so she went to the hospital, but came home wednesday, but that same night I went over there just to make sure that she was okay and that night she got really sick, so we went back to the hospital to find that part of the blood clot had moved to her lung, so unlike what I was thinking yesterday, she will probably be staying in the hospital until at least wednesday. grr. So my parents are going up to the cabin with all of my brothers until tuesday, and me and my sister are going to my aunts house for the weekend. Oh, and for whomever it may concern this means that I'm not going to Alex's party either, (even though I haven't seen him ALL SUMMER, and most likely won't see him for another month when school starts. ) *deep sigh* I think I need a hug. "

ay, that was a really stressful time. Actually looking back, one of the worst times of the year, definitely of the life of this blog... but with things now better than ever, I can look back to smile at those that were with me through the whole fiasco. And how much I still appreciate those hugs and comforting words. I think Anne should get a special littel medal for helping me through this one. *gives trophy*

And here I placed in a nutshell all my lifes dreams and aspirations-

"to become an amazing writer. and nothing you can say or do will ever change that. so there! hehe. and yes, I am aware of how random this is.
Btw I'm also going to be an amazing pilot, veterinary scientist, and pediatrician. My life just might take a while, but it'll be worth it. :P "

so fwahahahaha. and you can't stop me. I can, but you can't. :P So let's skip forward a few months to something interesting-

"so there, that's my poem. and feel free to comment w/ CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
CONSTRUCTIVE meaning that no, I am not in the mood to be called emo. so leave me alone of you have nothing sensible to say. XP
sorry. I just really hate being called that... and if you got to know me, you would soon realize how wrong they are."

here I decided- hey, I'm just going to put my thoughts and emotions out there with this whole "emo" thing, it drives me mad. - but then Katie of course being the "oh-so-great" friend she is goes on to leave a comment-

"Wow. Very... EMO..."

but no worries, she knows me well enough to not end it there *I tend to hurt such people* and so she continues with her little compliment or whatever... (I love you Katie, don't hurt me)
Sami's newly found aspiration in life-

"I think that this weekend is going to be a scary movie and homework weekend. I think my switch a few weeks ago from asocial, to completely social is taking too large of an effect on my brain, therefor even further deepening the insanity of my life."

Yeah, I still haven't gotten to that movie thing... lol.
Anyways... the rest is blah blah blah, leading up to now, blah blah blah, change in mood, blah blah blah, new change in mood...


and as stated in an earlier post-

"So if you are as sick of reading this, as I am as sick of writing it, I'd better stop soon.
I <3 you guys
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR"

and so-
I really love you guys, thanks for reading this epic post
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR<3

posting for the sake of posting...

Well this post is kind of cheating, but that's okee, because I am sami, and I can do such things. And also because sometimes when we don't cheat we end up with a bag of frozen vegetables on our feet... I'm sorry about that foot by the way Terrell.
But, as I said this post is cheating, kind of. What am I cheating?- you may ask, well if you don't know, look very closely.
Still no idea?
Ok, here's a hint, it's numerical...

Still no idea, eh? (If you did get it I applaud you)

Well you'll just have to wait and see I guess, I've gots a big surprise for you... ok, not THAT big, sillies...

Just wait a while, It'll come... mehbeh. Tonight or tomorrow, we shall see. :D

oh and btw- I love you Katie, lol (just read your blog) WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!!?? silly silly...

=P

Ah the beautiful night's sky, the bright full moon, snow, lightly covering the ground in a glistening mass of beauty.
Oh how I love December... and what reason do I have not to? As far as the life and times of Sami goes, things are more amazing now than they have been in a long time. Too long, really. And to just be able to sit and let that happiness consume me, even more wonderful. Worries, fears, pain, all banished. Now it is only sam, and that is who I should be.
The funny thing is, I was actually discussing some of the things in my past self today with friends, and to realize how nonchalant I could remain throughout that conversation... well, gah. It's so great. Really, it is. Mostly because I now can truthfully say that it's in the past. It's like finally overcoming a great illness that had surrounded my life for so long. You can make me laugh, you can make me cry, you can make me dream away, but never can you tear me down more than I want you to. You, yes you, no longer have control of my life. For it is I- MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE (of sami anyways) that is now in complete control... Fwahahahaha.
No longer shall I let people that don't even know the real me take control of my life, and tear me down with any impulsive whim. NO MORE!!!

Okee, I think I'm done now... mehbeh... hehe.

Wow, that was completely random and unplanned, and to think that I started out with talking about the sky. I have the attention span of a squirrel... I like squirrels, they're cute and fuzzy. I once had a pet squirrel, his name was Scabbers. Like on Harry Potter. Sometimes I wish I was like harry potter...

Well, that's enough of that. for now...

good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. I know I will :D
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Fwahahahaha.

soo, today conformed to the usual wake up, go to school, go home etc. But alas, it was not boring at all, for it is not what I have done or am doing that excites me, but rather what I plan to do. And oh do I hope things work out. I'm not sure if it's paranoia or intuition that is causing me to doubt things working out though...
Ah well, at this point I have little reason to believe that they won't; so let's stick with that for now...
I worry for some of my friends though... I really hope that things aren't as bad as I perceive them to be, but then again, I have no reason to believe that they aren't. Gah, me and my crazy reasoning...
Just putting it out there that I have you in my prayers, all of you, believe it or not...

ah, back to blogging. So today, tomorrow, yesterday... I'm happy and I know it. *claps hands* and for now, that about wraps things up. I feel luckier than most.

<3<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

So here you are again...

What truly is so interesting in this blog that has you continue reading, I am not sure. But alas, here I am, and here you are, now reading this, as I was at some point in the past typing it. Well, that would be the present for me...
hehe, I make me laugh. But none of that matters because as we have gone over so many times before, time and space are non-existent anyways.
Gah, well today was interesting to say the least. Not so much situationally, but in my little world of a mind, 'twas more than just interesting. So much on my mind, yet so little of it can I actually say. And saying that alone may put me in a bad position, but whatever.
It's not all bad, just kind of mellow and contemplative. Not to mention having that later masked by this extreme wave of hyperactivity. I was actually doing headstands and backwards somersaults from my bed today... such a strange person am I.
It is hard to explain really what is going on, and for the most part, even I really don't know. I just know how I feel, and the task now is to take a step back and put reasoning behind those emotions. And that, my friends, is the difficult part.
All I can say, is don't overthink this. (I'm talking to both you and I now), and don't set it aside as nothing. Nothing is nothing. It is just finding a way to measure the amount of something.
That also, is the difficult part.
Sami is off to think things over I guess...

<3<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Ah, and still the same day.

Well I guess if you're going to get technical on me, it's already sunday. Ay! The day has been long and fulfilling in many ways and I am already dreading the start of a new week. But because I am tired, and must prepare for church in the morrow, I will sum it up. The day was good. very good indeed. =D
I'll post something more tomorrow when I am more awake.
<3
SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Happy Birthday to me :D

And life was all it was expected to be if not more. XD Between seeing some longed for faces and being a semi-good Samaritan, I would say It was pretty fulfilling. Oh yeah, plus I got an 8G green iPod nano. SWEETNESS!!!! *thanks dad & Ginger*
so yeah, life is good. Better go dry my hair before I am forced to succumb to its wily madness.

I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

AAAAAHHHH YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

FRIDAY IS ONLY A MERE 2 HOURS AWAY!!! yay! This is exciting, very exciting indeed. As for this weekend, my parents ok'd me inviting the lunch crew + others (haha katie, yes, you are officially an "other") over to my house on saturday to hang out, you know-
Jackie
Ona
Bubbles
Izzy
Rob
Kirsten
Henry
Katie H.
Sav. etc...

oh yeah, I should probly have called narcia and king kong tonight, now that its mentioned... eh, I'll do it tomorrow...

plus I get to see my Trall tomorrow, AND SATURDAY!!! XDDDD I'm soo excited you wouldn't even know...

Ah, but for now I must finish that project that is due tomorrow... hehe, I have officially claimed the throne as queen procrastinator. ay.

Lost 'o Love,
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Soo, tuesdays...

Well exciting news...
kinda sorta. lemme see
-I got me a new toothbrush :D (its purple!)
-I get to see my Trall on friday!!! *yay*
-My birthday is on friday!! *yay*
-I have a science project due friday! *not so yay*
-I get to actually go home before dark on friday *yay*

wow, lots of stuff on friday... I can't wait. Well, the science project could prolly wait... but otherwise XD

Oh yeah, and today I was walking home from school at around 5:30 (drivers ed stuff :P ) and it was the most beautiful sight I have seen in a while. It was cold enough for the frost to be glistening, but warm enough for me to stop and see. The moon was gently covered by a thin layer of clouds and the small amount of snow on the ground was glowing. Ah, so beautiful. I wish I could show you...

Ok, I'm gonna admit, I really have nothing to write about for today, so as you can probly see, most of this is all just random madness that you would normally hear me say on any other given day... but I tried... o.O hehehehehe. I'm in a Reiko mood today... that's probably not a good thing. O.o

Sami is Turning Blue

And yes, it explains it all:



ok, It explains nothing. But that's ok I guess.
Oh yeah, and for those who are unaware, I am currently head over heels in love. Just thought you ought to know... <3

wraaaaaaaawr. *yawn*

sami needs to talk to some people, make some plans, and recover from the minor and major shocks of this past weekend. I hadn't really looked at a calendar recently I guess, so I was kind of taken aback when I realized that my birthday is indeed in less than a week. 5 days to be exact... and I am still yet to make/settle any plans for the weekend. hmmm, I hope things work out, not that I was planning much.
In the other angles of my life right now, I'm not sure what I'm doing or how. Some things seem to be working, others- well, not so much.
School- I don't even want to talk about it right now... -.-
Friends- Why can't we talk, and be close like we used to be? I feel like some people are being super secretive, and I wish that our friendship was stronger than such things...
Relationship- Amazing! wonderful! What's more to be said? Though at times a little confusing. I just wish we could see each other more often, that things were a little less foggy on my end.
Family- WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING AT ME!? It's more stressful than you could know. And why do I get the feeling that the ones that aren't yelling, don't want anything to do with me. That is a depressing thought.
Religion- I don't even know anymore. I mean, I do- it's just that things seem so unclear right now, and there is a general lack of connection within me. That connection, what used to be the only thing holding me in, now seems to be missing. Chances are it's my own fault. Okay, it IS my own fault. I just don't really know what to do, as what usually helps me through such things is now gone. Or at least very quiet.

I feel so lost and confused. Does anybody have a map I could borrow? I lost mine, along with my phone and glasses :P


Whoa, major mood swing within the past 5 hours, huh...

gah, I have so much homework to do now, so I'd better be going.
<3<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Ay, me...

As I slowly drown in happiness brought unto my by some unknown, beautiful force- I stop to wonder if it really is. But then, to be quickly reassured by the most amazing person I've ever met on this lowly planet of ours, to know that yes, it is real. And yes, I truly am happy.

hmmm.

I have been realizing today, well more so late last night, that I have been being really weird lately. I don't mean the normal sami-type weird madness either, but just not myself. I don't really know why, or how, or if it's actually gone yet. I do know that if I said something strange, or have just been not myself, it's all me. And hopefully it will be gone soon.
Just putting that out there. I love you guys, and to all my close friends, Thank You So Very Much. Not putting out any names *hmmhmmjackiehmmhmm* but some of you have really been there for me for the past while through thick and thin, you're the best friends I've got. And truthfully, I don't even know how I've managed to come across such amazing people in my life.
Just a little heart to heart.
<3<3
~SAMiSAYStHANkS

th countdown continues.

1 hour left. =o

The Sami...

has been very moody lately. gah. And she doesn't know why. And it's driving her nuts.
For starters, this post will be a short one, because it is late at night, sami is tired, and sami is crabby. Actually, more so thoroughly depressed. But that is not important to me right now- well not important enough to write about...
Chococat is being very strange and it is beginning to frighten me... (he keeps crawling on the top of the cage and doing crazy gymnist stuff. We only have two days of school this week, and I dread it all the same XP. I really just don't like the idea of being around people right now, but I'm hoping to come around within the next 8 hours or so...
8 hours. Thats 6.5 hours of sleep, and only if I go to sleep now. (and trust me, that's just not going to happen) thats 7 hours before I need to be up and active. 7.5 before I must walk into the bitter cold. 8 before I must deal with school authorities and their pointless rules.
I really don't like mondays.

Until I'm in a better mood,
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

and chrurch in the morrow

Soo, here you are again, reading the blog of some strange teen. Hehe, I laugh at you. Not really though, I truly and sincerely appreciate your reading this. I haven't quite figured out how or why yet, but those are things to be worked out later. :P
Well, the Sami is in a rather good mood today to be honest. I had quite a few friends in my now only slightly disorganized bedroom. Some of which friends, might I add, I haven't seen since June!! (celyna, why do you do this to me?) Ay. lol. Oh yeah, and Terrell has recently shown me that I use the word (well more of an expression, or noise really) "Ay" too often. Truthfully I hadn't really noticed that I even say it until now...
Sami has been listening to a lot of Aqua today. This may be either the cause, or result of my recently aquired contentment. Hmmm. It also may later be the cause of me dying my hair pink and wearing extremely bright rainbow colors for the rest of my life. We can only guess at this point. No worries for now though, I'm still with my darkish brown hair, and boring jeans, cami, sweater setting for now. For now...
This weekend has been extremely relaxing so far, and to think that Sunday is in less than an hour hurts my brain. Why must the weekends be so short? But because they are, and because tomorrow is sunday already, sami must now get sleep and hope for the best at church tomorrow.

I love you guys <3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Thank God It's Friday!!!

really. I don't think I would have been able to manage another day of this week. Though it did go by quite quickly, It was exhausting nonetheless. And next week we only have school on Monday and Tuesday, and then... VACATION. yay! So here the Sami sits at her 'puter, awaiting yet another phone call ^,^ silly silly...
There is much dreaming to be done this weekend, both literally and metaphorically. I need SLEEP. and on the other hand, I have lots of things that I would like to do this weekend. You know, the usual homework, movie, friends, FLY. Oh yes, dream big. Not to mention the writing that needs to be done this weekend.
I found myself doing a lot of reminiscing today with memories of middle school, and all of those crazy people that I dealt with on a daily basis. Strange days I tell you, strange days. Though I do miss them to some minimal extent. Not to mention all of the people I've recently been talking to from then. The internet is an amazing thing.
But alas, it is late in the morning, and I have run out of legitimate things to write for now. So until later.
<3<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

yo no se. jajaja.

yo voy hablar en espanol hoy. ?por que? porque yo QUIERO hablar en espanol. tuve una dia bien y mal. no fui al colegio, porque me siento mareada.
ok, that's enough of that. If you could understand the last sentance you get a golden star for today. ^^
And if you couldn't understand it, I guess you'll just have to ask me later. so mwahaha. I have been writing a lot more lately. so that's happy, I guess. Just this past week, I've finalized a short story, and 3 poems. Not a whole lot, but because I am completely done typing them and everything, I'm pretty happy with it.
I also took out some time to play with chococat today. (I haven't held him or anything in quite a while) And that was interesting. I was lucky to not be bitten again though. He's a mean little bugger. I've also gotten a lot done today as far as cleaning my room. You can see a lot of the carpet. :o Amazing, right? Man do I have a lot of clothes though! I swear, I could completely resemble a different high school stereotype for every day of the week if I wanted to. :P lets see
Monday- Goth
Tuesday- Prep
Wednesday- Emo/Scene
Thursday- Nerd/Geek
Friday- Sami (yeah, I'm a stereotype all on my own :)

That would definitely be an interesting week.
Oh yeah, I'm getting chococat a mini carebear for his cage for christmas. but shhhhhh, don't tell him. It's sposed to be a surprise!
<3 you guys!!!
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

band concerts, best friends, and Bellatrix...

Well I was going to make this a happy post, because in reality, things in my life have been simmering down quite a bit. I don't really know why it seems that way, but I guess peace of mind is just something that we will have to learn to live with. :P
In any case, I was going to make this a happy post, but really everything mentioned in the title is kind of depressing to me right now. So maybe we won't go into all of it, but for a quick overview:
Bellatrix- my pet goldfish, died T-T R.I.P mylove.
Best Friends- are currently giving me pain, and confusion in high doses.
and lastly...
Band Concerts- Well let's just say I'm glad its done.

On a happier note I did get to go to Anthony with Narcia today, and we got to hang out with Haugen for a while (that was interesting to say the least) not to mention the finally TRULY POSITIVE COMMENTARY that I got on my poem from somebody that actually had something to say. Gah, Mr. Rees is making me mental with such things. (and yes I know what you're thinking "Sami, you already are mental").
Oh, and Chococat is changing colors. hmm, strange, strange, strange...

<3<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

leave with a slightly creepy stranger

And so without giving yourself much time to think about your situation clearly, you hop on the back of the horse through the window and take off with the man in the cloak. After an hour or so of riding you get the nerve up to ask a few questions.
"Who are you? Where are we going?"
"Who am I? You haven't recognized me yet? Why it was only two nights ago that we met in the woods, that, to answer your other question, we are now headed."
"The wolf. Why are you taking me back with you? Wasn't it you that nearly killed me the other night?
"Ah, so now you remember. And yes that was me; terribly sorry by the way. I'm taking you back because you'll die if I don't."
"So you're telling me that you, the one that tried to kill me the other night, is now trying to rescue me from the people that saved my life after your attack."
"Precisely."
And with that, there was silence for the rest of the trip and eventually you found yourself yet again drifting to sleep.

When you awoke, you were laying on a pile of leaves in the middle of a the dark forest that you had wandered through nights ago. You looked around and could see the man, now a wolf again, sleeping a couple yards away. You got up, with the pain in your side noticeable, but not quite as sharp as the day before, and you began to wander through the woods again, (never said you were too bright) and you could see the full pale moon shining down light from overhead.
Suddenly you felt the dull pain in your abdomen become a sharp stinging pain once again, and you felt yourself falling to the ground, losing consciousness.
You regained consciousness with sunshine pouring down on you, and you were horrified to awake with your clothes and skin stained with blood.
Not fully realizing what was going on, you were then swiftly lifted up from behind and found yourself on the back of a horse with the same man as the night before. He stopped at a nearby river and you washed off most of the blood from your skin and clothes.
"Just as I had thought... you are lucky I picked you up when I did yesterday, or you would be dead right now." Said the man, with an awkward smirk on his face.
"What is going on? What is happening to me?"
And as you began to realize the absolute severity of the situation once again you lost consciousness, but this time regained it on a couch, in a smokey room.
And because Sami the narrator is getting bored with this story, you got up and said "Whoa, trippy..." and walked back to your next-door apartment.

:D

hehe, that was interesting, was it not?

love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

samisaysbleh.

yeah, that one doesn't ring as well.
Today shall be a stressful one for the sami, with somebody close to her going through even more extremely stressful situtaions. Ugh, i wish there was something I could DO. and Alex, I'll have you know that you are my best friend in the world, and I don't think I could live if it weren't for that.

Lord, i am so glad it's friday.

I think that this weekend is going to be a scary movie and homework weekend. I think my switch a few weeks ago from asocial, to completely social is taking too large of an effect on my brain, therefor even further deepening the insanity of my life. And furthermore, I'm thinking that I want to watch Sweeney Todd this weekend, and I need to do a lot of homework. :)

<3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

mwhahahahaha.

This is the most amazing thing. EVER.

yay. well sorta.

Why is it that the day that I finally get a chance to sleep in, I can't sleep at all? Gah. I woke up at like 730 this morning, so now I am sooo bored, and tired. can't sleep though. hmm.
I wish that I was this awake every other morning :/

What will you guys do w/ me?

hehehe. I died my hair. And now it looks black. but its not. and these sentences are really short.
So, between school, homework, and the remaining time being used for my small "social" life, I have found myself to have gone almost completely insane. Well, actually if you put it all together that just means that things have been normal for me.
Between Alvin with his parasites, and Narcia with her amazingness, things haven't been too bad either. well except for the parasites *eeeww* But I gotta leave for school in aproximately 11.68 minutes. so I'll finish talking about nonsense, and posting the next part of that story later.

I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Apologies for the mini-break.

So I wrote that last part of the story, and I sat and I thought. And I though and I sat. But could think of nothing that the character could do to save him/herself. So I am deciding now, just to make up a bunch of stuff and see where it goes :) Just like how it all started out. mmkay?

So, you sat in that small rose covered room with your mind wandering between possible escape routes, and Rosemary's mention of chains, when someone appeared at your window. A person wearing a long black cloak, and riding on a huge black horse stood there looking at you. "I'm here to save you. You have a choice, come with me and live, or stay here, and be burned like the others."
His voice sounded strangely familiar and you sat for a moment pondering on all of the possible outcomes. To leave the people that saved you and tended you wounds, trusting a man that you don't know, or to stay with the people that once saved you, but now speak of chains and killings.

Aha!!! I did it! So now quickly make your choice, leave or stay. Once again it's up to you...
MWAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahahahahahaaa. haha.

So you stay where you are.

It's probably for the better, and you don't think that you could make it that far anyway, so you decide just to relax, and as the tall man said, try to get some rest.
When you wake up you are still surrounded by roses, but this time there seems to be some type of civilization set up. You are inside a small hut like area, and from a nearby window you can see people walking outside, all busy doing one thing or another. You look around the room you are in and are able to see through a doorway, the same tall pale man, and with him an even paler woman. They seem to be having some sort of argument, though you are not quite able to make out what it is that they are saying.
You once again tried to sit up, forgetting your injuries, and feel a sharp pain in your abdomen. You let out a gasp, and lay back down. But with the noise, the man looks over and comes to your bedside.
"So, you are awake again. You must be starving. Unfortunately,we don't really have any food prepared, but I will have Rosemary fetch you some water."
You quickly realized that you were very hungry, and thirsty. You haven't eaten anything since your journey began. So you didn't object to a glass of water. And as he turned to walk out the door, you remembered what he had said earlier. "Wait! what did you mean earlier, when you talked about me being infected? What did you mean?" You suddenly became overrun with anxiety of the thought of being killed in this unknown realm of chaos, and tried to sit up again. He held you down, and quickly told you that you must not get so worked up.
Before you could say or do anything else, he had left and you were once again, alone.
A while later the girl that you saw earlier came in with a glass of water. She handed it to you and said "Hi, I'm Rosemary. I'm the one that found you out in the woods last night."
"Oh." I said, trying to sound thankful "Thanks for saving me."
She had a soft airy voice that seemed far away, "It's getting late, I'd better get the locks ready..." And she left the room.


will post the rest later. :)

the dark wooded area... scary scary...

So, relieved that you managed to get away from those nasty insects, you decide to turn the couch, and start floating towards that dark, forested area. Though it may not have been the wisest choice, because there is now way of telling what you are getting into, you go that way anyways.
As you reach shore you begin to get a little spooked by the complete and total darkness that lies ahead. Once on the island you cannot actually see anything, all you can do is stand, listening to the rustling you can hear in the bushes ahead. You swear that you can see little glowing lights in the wilderness too, but are quick to blame it on paranoia, and continue to go deeper into the woods.
As you are walking, your eyes begin to adjust more, and you find yourself stumbling a bit less on things on the ground. You can hear some movement in the bushes and trees around you, but manage to keep your wits and continue walking.
Suddenly you hear a voice behind you and turn to face a very large dog-like creature. "What are you doing here?!" said a snarly, hostile voice.
You consider running, but find yourself unable to move. "I-I... I'll be leaving, just..."
"No human is supposed to be in this area, you don't understand. If you stay here you will be infected. Unless... have you been bitten, or come into contact with any creature on this island?"
"No, on the island back there I got bitten by some nasty butterflies, but all I have seen here, is darkness, and you." You showed him the damage done to your arms by the butterflies, as still fresh blood dripped down your arm.
"Butterflies? what do you..." he looked down at your arm and suddenly got a crazed look in his eye.
Before you could jump out of the way, he pounced on you and began to sink his teeth into your already bloody arm. You let out a horrifying shriek, though nobody could hear you, and as you lay there helpless, you could feel your body being flung about and torn to pieces as you slowly lost consciousness.
When you awoke, it was light outside and you were alone. There were red roses all around you, just as you had seen from afar while in the middle of the lake. The strange thing was that these roses were not like any you had ever seen before, for they were not only growing in bushes, but in big patches out of trees, and the ground. And some where not even growing at all, but just layed out, as if freshly put there. Rose petals where blowing in the wind, and landing everywhere.
You tried to sit up, but couldn't and soon remembered the werewolf that had attacked you. You now had bandages wrapped around most of your body, and as you moved you could see blood seeping up through them.
You called out, to see if anyone was near, and when you did, a shadow appeared behind a rose covered tree. Before you could get a close look, a very tall, pale man was standing over you.
"I see you're awake, and it's a good thing too. You see, it's not everyday that a mortal as yourself survives a bloody werewolf attack. But luckily, Rosemary found you and treated your wounds, though it will take a while to see whether or not you've been infected. In which case we'll have to kill you anyway."
You were already dazed from just waking up in a place you had never seen before, but now, you were more confused than you had ever been. "Infected? Kill me? What do you mean?"
"Ah, so sorry, I can see that I have already disturbed your healing. You should get some more rest. We'll talk later." And with that, he was gone.
Now, of course after that conversation, there was no way you could sleep. But it may be hard to do anything else. You could try to get up, and make your way back to the shore, but may run into trouble, with both your recently acquired wounds, or the people that brought you here. There was no way that they were normal, and you couldn't outrun them with how quickly the other one moved. But, if you stayed where you were, they might kill you. Or so he said, what did he mean by "infected"...

Sooo, what will you do now. Run, or stay?
Comment and choose your fate!
It's all up to you!
well, to some extent anyways :P

whoa

I just realized that with that story I just randomly switched from 1st person to 2nd person. :P whoops.
anyways, just thought I'd let you know that I am at least consciously insane.
hmmm, I am in a surprisingly good mood today. not that im usually in a bad mood. But I've been just extremely content all day today. well except for walking home from school without a coat today, that was cold. *brrrrrrrr*
But for now, I am reasonably happy :) and unfortunately, you probably have the power to change that. Nope, not today, you don't get that power.
well now, I'm kind of wandering with my thoughts, so I'll let you comment and tell me where to go next with that random story :)
I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

the meadow

You turn the couch towards the meadow, and begin to float into more shallow water. As you reach the shore you begin to see that those "flowers" were not flowers at all, but rather huge clusters of brilliantly colored butterflies. You cannot quite make out what they are all clustering around, but decide to get onto the land anyway.
From the moment you place your foot on the ground, the butterflies leave whatever they are hovering around, and start to float towards you. Mesmerized by the pretty colors, you fail to see the bloody fangs that the butterflies have emerging from their mouths, and even more shocking, the gory ripped apart human body pieces that they were recently feeding upon.
You allow one to rest on your hand, and almost instantly feel a sharp pain, and look down to see that blood is pouring out of your hand.
You scream and begin to run, but they are chasing you way too quickly and begin swarming over your body.
Just as you start thinking that this is the end, a giant pinapple with a coconut on its head emerges from the water and eats most of the man-eating butterflies with a loud *gulp* the rest fly away in fear. You quickly thank the pinapple, and in fear of it eating you next, you get back onto the sofa, and begin to float away.
Once again in the near center of the silver lake, you have 3 choices, 1- the marsh land, with lots of ponds and lush grass and plants. 2- the land of red roses, or 3- the darker forested area.

Once again, I'm leaving your own dillusional fate up to you. (well sort of anyways)
Where will you go next?
COMMENT TO SAVE YOUR SOUL
ok, not really, but
COMMENT TO SAVE YOUR IMAGINARY STORYBOOK PARALLEL!!

oh yeah...

I was going to write something fantastical about rainbows and unicorns and such, so here goes.

So I sat in my room, alone that day, angry at the world as usual, when suddenly, a strange odor emerged from the apartment next to mine. I went over and knocked to make sure that nothing was on fire, but when somebody opened the door a world of smoke and fog surrounded my head, and I was led inside. Immediately after walking in a strange lightness had wrapped itself around my brain as if my head was filling with helium, and I found myself needing to sit down. I found the nearest couch, and was offered a drink, not thinking about it, I took a sip. It tasted funny and had a strange texture, but I wasn't left with much time to think about it because I was in a whole new world.
I woke up in a strange state, on the same couch, but everything around me had changed completely. The sofa was now floating on a silver colored lake, and were four different land forms surrounding me.
One looked forested and slightly dark, the 2nd looked cleared out like a meadow, and full of flowers and light. The 3rd was green, lush, and had ponds all over. and the 4th had deep red roses covering the entire land.


LEAVE A COMMENT TO TELL WHICH ISLAND TO GO TO!!!! THE FATE OF A DRUGGED ALTERNATE YOU IS IN YOUR HANDS!!!


btw, this is all off of the top of my head, so i can't promise you, but i can tell you that im pretty sure that this is going somewhere. so just comment.

70th POST!!!

I could make a really bad joke here, but I won't.
So anyways, today was interesting, but I am now very tired, so here is my latest poem. (and yes I am aware that that didn't make any sense.

Your eyes reflect my grievances,
My heart can feel your pain,
You hold me tightly as the tears,
Roll down my cheeks like rain

And when held in my weakness,
On you I will depend,
Trusting that you'll always be
My lover and my friend

And as the tears drip down your cheeks
I'll hold you close to me,
Until you begin to say,
That it could never be

I want to get away from you
I want to see your pain
To show just what you meant to me
As forever tears pour down like rain

And rotting in disgust of you
The answer was so clear
That through simply trusting me
You had nothing to fear

so there, that's my poem. and feel free to comment w/ CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
CONSTRUCTIVE meaning that no, I am not in the mood to be called emo. so leave me alone of you have nothing sensible to say. XP
sorry. I just really hate being called that... and if you got to know me, you would soon realize how wrong they are.

well, I better get my hw done and go to bed before I get all splodey and stuff.


I love you guys <3 (yes even you meanies that go around labeling people)
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

wow

I just read through most of my blog posts on this thing.
Maaan I could make a book out of this thing easy.

Blah, im still sick, actually, more sick and I can't hang out w/ narcia and everyone because of it. Along w/ the fact that I don't have a ride. psh. i DON'T KNOw wHAT TO DO, AND i FEEL LiKE MY HEAD iS GOiNG TO GET ALL SPLODEY AND STUFF!!

Plus I have to go to the doctor sometime soon to get my blood tested for this gene that my mom has. I don't know why, or what will happen if I do, or if it even matters. All I know, is that I have to go to the doctor so they can stick some needles in me and play with my blood.
funfunfun.

SARCASTiC & SiCK
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

tired, sick, exaughsted, and thrown in the center of chaos.

The title pretty much says it all, but I spose I get to explain now.
As whoever has been around me the past couple of day would know, I'm sick. And currently, REALLY sick.
This weekend was really fun, but I am soooooooooo glad that we have the day off tomorrow. Otherwise I just might explode. well, maybe not. But I would be very distraught right about now to say the least.
Well today was interesting... I had cello lessons (but was sooooooo out of it because of the medicine I took to contain my constant migranes, fevers, and runny nose XP), I spoke @ church today along w/ Ginger, and Aimee (another girl @ church) about our trip to MS. That was a trainwreck for me (everyone else did great) but I am definitely NOT the public speaker type.
Anyways, Im kind of zoning right now. (Its taken me like 10 min. just to write these few sentances) bleh, I hate the effects of drugs. but I hate headaches and fevers even more.
I was originally going to write a poem, but I am finding my motivation towards that decreasing rapidly as I realize just how difficult it is to make a non entirely random blog post.
So if you are as sick of reading this, as I am as sick of writing it, I'd better stop soon.
I <3 you guys!
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

school, halloween, and life's general insanity.

So with the end of October nearing, there is good news, and bad news.
Good News- Halloween is tomorrow, meaning candy, scary movies, and altogether good times :D
Bad News- End of first quarter, meaning grades, meaning report cards, meaning getting scolded for my not-so-hot grades this quarter. eh. It makes me feel so depressed and generally disgusted that just to think about it makes me want to drop down dead.
They aren't as bad as I though they might be. But I have two Cs, one A-, and the rest Bs. grrr. Its not like I didn't try or anything. I just don't know what went wrong.
I have a C in English, because of not turning in all my work (he won't let me turn in stuff that I missed when I was gone, even though he didn't tell me about it when I asked him what I would be missing while I was gone. Along with some other things that I just didn't manage to turn in.
I have a C in geometry because I just don't get it, at all. And no matter who I try to ask for help, It just doesn't seem to be helping very much.
I have a B in band because I couldn't make most of the pep band events.
I have a B in Spanish because of grades on quizzes and tests
I probably will have a B in Geography by tomorrow, because he still needs to put some of my work into the computer, but im not sure yet
And I have an A- in Biology, because I <3 Biology, and see no faults whatsoever in the class. :D

Anyways, so today as you can probably tell has been stressful for me to the point of near insanity, and I am kind of excited for it to end, yet am not to pleased with the idea of going back tomorrow. Though after school Halloween events are intriguing enough to keep me content throughout the day, just waiting for that 3:00 Bell to ring.
I am also nervous about this upcoming band concert. I have been practicing almost non-stop when at home, but I have a deep down feeling that we are going to do miserably, because I seem to be one of very few that are practicing at all. SOOOO FRUSTRATING!!! I really don't want to perform in such a sucky concert, but I am also left feeling helpless because I see no personal opportunity for changing of fates. If any of you guys do, please LET ME KNOW!!!
I am tiredtiredtiredtired.
I still need to go to the store, shower and do my Biology homework though. so, for now I'd better call it a post.
I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

ok poem time.

You begged me just to trust you,
You pleaded for me to love,
I told you that I couldn't
But you gave me a silent shove

With all my mind falling apart,
You promised me somewhere safe,
And if I had not gone to you,
I'd be left alone, a waif

With all my insecurities,
I'd given you my trust,
And then before I knew it,
Into my soul your sword was thrust,

You've broken the only heart of mine
You've shattered my every dream,
But worst of all you've left me here,
Too mad at you to scream.

Just something random here that I came up with off the top of my head. Comment please if you have any constructive criticism or thoughts. =D

wrawrawrawrawrawrawr

sooo, I was going to post this last night, but just as I finished up my homework I lost internet connection XP but anyways, instead of writing another random offthetopofmyhead poem, I'm thinking about posting one of the more recent excerpts from my story. You know, the one that I posted the very beginning of when I had first made my blog... how could you forget!? Well, in any case, here it is-

It was a cool October night, and I was out on a walk along the creek. The sky was clouded and starless. The aroma of an incoming storm hung over the city. I was alone, as far as I could see, and I found it to be a peacful, lovely relief to the hectic life I found myself in.
I had walked about a mile when I decided to head back, and just as I turned the smell of rain became more intense and the air became humid and dense. In an attempt to get home before it began pouring down rain, I slipped on some loose soil and fell face down into the damp ground. "Great..." I muttered, curious about the possible damage done to my new outfit. But, as I tried to get up, I suddenly felt a cold pair of hands, holding me to the ground. Before I could turn to see who it was, I was swiftly lifted of the ground and stood facing a tall, lanky man with sleek black hair and outstanding green eyes.
He had a weird smirk like smile and scoffed "Humans, can't even keep themselves upright." He let out a soft chuckle. "Now what is a young, pretty girl like you doing, walking alone in the woods at night?"
What had he meant by "humans", as though he weren't one himself, and why had he called me young? For he couldn't have been much older than me. Sure maybe a bit grimier, but not much older. Scared and confused I quickly muttered "I really need to get home now, sorry." I turned around to head home, but with a blink, he was standing in front of me blockinf my path.
"Now there's no need to rush or be rude. The least you could do is thank me for helping you up." He seemed slightly agitated, but continued to have that awkward smile plastered on his face.
"Thanks, but I really need to get going. It's getting late..." As much as I wanted to run, hus eyes somehow kept me standing there, unable to leave.
"Time? This is what you are worried about!?" He was beginning to look even more irritated and I was scared of what he might do. "You humans are so lost in your own minds that you let something that doesn't even exist control your life. Time is but an illusion, and only has a place in your twisted perspective of the world that you think you know. You all disgust me, so focused on things that don't exist, all the while refusing to see what is really there. Refusing to see the evil, pain, and hatred of your own kind that truly controls how the world works. All of this, and you worry about time."
While he seemed to be getting more and more angry as he spoke, he at the same time seemed relieved to have said it, and was beginning to recompose himself. "Dilusional as time may be, I have somebody waiting for me, and I really need to be getting home."
He looked into my eyes and I tried, but couldn't look away. "If you really need to leave, why are you still here?" And once again, I tried to look away, to turn around and run, but I had no control over my body, and I stood there helpless.
He smirked, "You can't, can you? Of course you cannot, nobody could once within my grip." He laughed quietly. At this point I was nearly shaking with fright. What was going on, Why wasn't I running right now, screaming like a maniac? This man was obciously a lunatic, and Koren was probably already home, wondering where I was. Not to mention that it was going to begin pouring any moment.



Soooo, Its not much, I know, but it may end up changing my entire storyline. I am thinking about completely rewriting the whole thing. hmmm. but I don't know yet.
Otherwise, my day was pretty uneventful. I got my big science project in. and otherwise it was just school. XP But I think I'm out of the blogging mood for the moment, I may or may not post a poem or something later. we shall see.

hmmm.

New pic, (yes again) what do you guys think? I got to hang out w/ Anthony a couple hours ago, that was fun (we never get to talk anymore) and I didn't get to go to my mom's house tonight (even though I have only seen her like once in the past 3 weeks. But otherwise things have been ok.
I'm thinking about switching out of AP geometry, I am not good enough at math for insane stuff like that, and my grades are suffering terribly. I'm also hoping for a new English teacher in the process, right now, Mr. Rees is really getting on my nerves. His teaching style, and my learning style/ what I would like to learn, collide in so many different ways. XP
Sooo, otherwise I really don't know what to write about for today. It was long and strange, and I would like to go to bed right now more than anything, but I need to clean the bathroom so I can take a shower, and take a shower so I can do my homework, and do my homework so I can sleep. I have a feeling that tonight is going to be another one of those stay up until its time to go- type nights. grr. On top of this, I think I might be getting sick. I have a killer headache, and I keep feelng like I'm going to pass out. strangestrangestrange.
I think i'm going to write something tonight. maybe later.
But for now, I better go clean the bathroom *yuck* XP
I love you guys <3
~SAMiSAYSwRAwR

Intense.

I have been in such a strange mood lately, though now, instead of feeling lonely, I am feeling rather happy to be alone. Its relaxing. I have tons of homework to do tonight though... bleh.
Neautique's party was insane in every way shape and form. If you were there, you know why. I'm up to 16!!! anyways, today was really strange, hectic, and all around random. I still am having trouble completely wrapping my head around it. Though I am dreading school tomorrow, I'm kind of excited to see some people. I have something important to tell you, so call/email me A.S.A.P. And now, I shall write a poem (its just off the top of my head, so don't be too harsh on it)

The dark starless night beckons me,
bringing me far too near
The howling wind, whispers secrets
With people all too deaf to hear,

They hide in a blanket of darkness,
But letting no one see,
The reality of those nightmares,
That forever haunt you and me.

I'm carried into madness,
And drawn away from sanity,
I'm face to face with demons,
And shown the evils of humanity,

I love you, I hate you.
Why can't I just exist?
And as that dark sky beckons me,
I know I must resist.

okay, I've gotten some of my freewriting out of my system for today, so I better start my homework.
I love you guys <3

parties, homework, and broken cell phones.

SOOooo, updating my blog sounds more appealing than homework right now, so it is what i shall do. I can't wait for the party tomorrow, and I get to see KATIE!!!! yay! I haven't seen her in forever. I'm going to be a pirate, or a pirate's mistress as my sister says. ( yeah, don't ask) anyways, I have like 6 tests to take tomorrow :( I am so gonna fail some of these classes XP I wish I was a lot smarter sometimes... Oh, and if you have been trying to call me or something, my cell phone is broken, so I can recieve some calls (on a rare occasion) I can barely make calls (sometimes I cant at all) and my phone is apparently possesed by Kristen (yes chalmy) or something because It keeps calling random people in my contacts w/ out me realizing it. Stupid phone. XP oh yeah, and I am actually back to writing my vampire story again (no it is not finished yet) its getting really exciting though, I cant wait to see what happens next! :P (yeah, I know I'm writing it) well better go lunge into that increasingly gigantic pile of homework, hope to see you tomorrow, if not, please call or email me. I love you guys <3
~sami

Back home and ready to roll. well, back home anyways.

SOOOOOOoooo... how was life without me for a week? Unbearable, I know. :P either that or peaceful- same thing really. hehe. so school starts again tomorrow (man, that really brings down a good mood... ) and most of my friends have been getting into reasonable amounts of trouble these past couple weeks. Narcia has been grounded (though I think thats over now) and Alvin(this is my knew name for alex because it is amusing) almost got put into juvinile hall (no kidding) for arson. WTH!!!!???? And is now at home (thank God) but in a lot of trouble as you could probably imagine. bleh. Have you ever had the feeling where you just don't want to be anywhere at all, when you don't really want to be at home, but you don't want to go anywhere either. It is such a hopeless feeling. And then you end up moping over yourself for who-knows-how-long trying to figure out a cure for insanity.
Its so easy to feel more lost than imaginable now. I often wonder if it is just me, or everyone else, but just in a less vocal way. Its hard to believe that everyone else is going through this at the same time mostly because there doesn't seem to be an affect on them. They are all just a bunch of giggly cliquey girls that are always laughing about or at someone/thing, or a bunch of guys goofing off and being dumb about something or another. And then, the teachers are the worst, taking complete dictatorship over all of these numb brained teens without any responsibility or sensitivity to what they are actually doing. I actually got a note on my English paper saying that yes it was well written and exemplified the subject that we were writing on, but I have too much going on in my life, and should stop over thinking things in my writing. What happened to Thoughtful Essays? Thought in itself just seems to be a recently forgotten matter, either that or it has never existed and I am only realizing it now.
I could really use an extended period of peace right about now, but alas, school begins in less than 12 hours and I need to begin preparing w/ things such as completing homework and sleep.
I love you guys. Call me.

so long for now

my flight leaves in about 2 hours, so I guess I'll talk to you later, byebye!!

Continuing on w/ our lives.

So, I haven't posted in a while... (kind of hard to do when your teachers are drowning you in hw) But for those that are unaware, I am leaving for my mission trip on sunday. (yes this sunday) and I will be gone for a week, getting back just in time for my Uncle's wedding. And In that note, my mom may be getting married next week, a small private wedding, but it would be legal then.
Back to the mission trip, Ginger and I will be going to Mendenhall, Mississippi, a poor, rural part of Mississippi where we will be w. some members of our church helping out people in the community through the church, the schools, and just some neighborhood people that could use some help. Im really excited, a little nervous, but excited nontheless. Schools been getting a little better lately. I've actually found myself to be a little numb to everything at school, which is probably why it is better, but I think I'm picking up my actual schoolwork a little better, just one less thing to be stressed out about, and that's nice. Its kind of scary though to be truthful. I've found myself becoming more and more "numb" to nearly everything around me lately, as if my personality has been just slowly melting away. I've been praying a lot, and improving my realationship w/ God is a releif more than anything, but other than that, my friendships are becoming less and less personal, with me not being able to really spend time w/ anybody anymore.
Well besides this entire post's melancholy tone, believe it or not, things in my life seems to be improving to some extent. I've been able to get a lot more involved in my music lately and that seems to bring a general joy, the other day I was kind of daydreaming while playing my flute, and like 15 minutes had passed without me really realizing what I was playing, or that I was even playing, and when I snapped out of it I was kind of shocked. I still wonder what I was playing, or what it sounded like... hmm... I've also been getting more proactive w/ my cello (I got a new teacher) and I've been talking to Mr. Liuzzi about taking up the Sax. again because he was talking about putting together sax. quartets. I also hope to get our keyboard fixed soon, so I can get back up there w/ the keyboard. The funny thing is how much time I actually spend w/ all of this music (i enjoy it more than anything) yet I can't see myself going any further than high school w/ my music. (I still want to be a veterinary scientist, or something of the sort.) It really makes me wonder how my life will turn out... hmm.
If you get the chance, call me before I leave, I would really like to talk to you.

methinks

Methinks that mes wantses to goes to a performingy artses school for mes wonderfulnessy writing skills. what does you thinks?

That would be really cool though. (sorry its hard for me to type using fake bad grammar) also I would be able to get more involved in my school work allowing me to be able to do just what I want in life, rather than follow the regular plan, it would be more beneficial to me, and less of a timewaster. I feel that it would be something that I could easily get into. Now, just try to explain that to everyone else. gah!!

bleh, I have to go do my tons of homework now, but just though I would share that micro-though with ustedes.

The UK (again)

hehe, i found a program that would let me go to the U.K. on a student exchange trip for a semester or a year, (I would probly do the semester) and my dad quickly, and briefly said I could go. It may have been on on the spot question, but he still said yes!!! Hehe. Next year, I may be going to school in Europe. heck, maybe I could leave in january (that would be the second semester trip) Mwahahahahahaa. This is exctiting. :)

Social Events, Halloween and the U.K.

I've been posting quite regularly, haven't I? Things have been looking up yet, for some reason I still fell this, well *refer to previous post* Anyways, today we got seating assignments in band (I got first chair *yay*) and we did all kinds of crazy stuff in all of my other classes. Though I can't recall anything specific for some reason. And all is at a blank. I'm really glad to have friday off this week, I've been sick anyways, and I could really use a day just to rest and recover. I would also really like to meet up w/ some friends sometime soon, so if you have nothing better to do this weekend, call me!
Also I'm thinking about Halloween parties soon, but im not sure, so if you have any comments or ideas on that matter, comment me. Though If I did have a halloween party, im not sure who exactly I'd invite. There's of course Narcia, Psycho, and Parillian. Along w/ alex, and a few other people I haven't seen in a while. but truthfully, I am yet to actually make a good friend at school. grr. it is frusterating.
Halloween is also on a friday this year, and i know my parents are having a party, so chances are that my friends still trick or treat, and wouldn't want to come anyways. hmmm.
I really need another outlet for these types of social events. During school it is almost impossible to be social (I'm busy doing school stuff) and after school activities are mostly seniors that want nothing to do with a freshman outside of the after school meetings.
I want to be an exchange student to the UK or something. that would be AWESOME. I'll look into it.

:/

Just a little update because I feel like writing, and what better place to go than here, right? Things have been okay for me lately, a little lonely (never thought I would say that, I'm usually begging for alone time) but nonetheless, working. Lately I've just felt kind of blank. like there is some void somewhere, but I can't quite place it. I'm really excited for after school tomorrow, I have been waiting for tomorrow since last wed. just because it was one of the first time in a while that I felt correctly placed. It was a personal utopia to tell you the truth. I have been finding little or no time on the other hand to spend with my friends, or to really spend with my family for that matter. It seems like when I am home, everyone is either super busy, or gone. And when I'm out, at things like school and such, I'm too busy to actually spend time with people. It's rather frustrating. And, heather would laugh at this, but I'm starting to really be worried about that what you might call "friendship" she's only one of like 3 people that I really know at school, and she's been kind of out there lately. It worries me, a lot.
But besides my paranoia and other nonsense things have been ok. blank, emotionless, empty, but ok.
oh and btw, I don't like geo. or english, this year, because they are frustrating, and we never do anything good, or beneficial. we don't even really write in English. we just answer questions out of our stupid text books. Text books that have like 5th grade level stories in them. grrr. I've taken a liking to spanish and math and band lately though, so that's good. Enough with my ranting, have a good day, week, month, and life!

:PSAMiSAYsWRaWr<3

I have decided...

to become an amazing writer. and nothing you can say or do will ever change that. so there! hehe. and yes, I am aware of how random this is.
Btw I'm also going to be an amazing pilot, veterinary scientist, and pediatrician. My life just might take a while, but it'll be worth it. :P

tsk tsk tsk

Well, lets do a little recap on these past couple weeks shall we? Lets see, I started reading this really good book called The Witching Hour, its an Anne Rice book, so its gotta be good, right? My teachers have been practically drowning me in homework, and my Cello teacher got a new job, so i gotta find a new one :( but lets skip the rest, today was actually to some extent, interesting. In Amnesty we were working out our last attempts for Troy Davis, a convicted man that has been on Death Row for the past 15 years, and who's execution was set for 6:30 pm today, ( 7:30 His time in Georgia) but by the time we called, we got an automated message saying that nothing more could be done. So we left today with all hopes lost. But alas, THERE IS A GOD!!! http://www.amnestyusa.org/ Go here and click on Troy Davis. It was a last minute decision, but it feels like the world has been lifted off of me. He is not necessarily going to be let off of death row, but he is going to be getting a fair trial now, where they will hear his plea.

Anyways, I also got an unexpected, but well appreciated call from..... BRANDON!!! I haven't talked to him in ages! We had a nice conversation about how our lives have been since middle school.
Oliver is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO crabby today. hes been whining and crying since he got home. oh well.
Also, I think, no wait, I am sick sick sick. I think I have a cold or sinus infection or something, but my ears, nose, eyes and throat just hurt like CRAZY. I've been having to consume extreme amounts of cough drops and tea, just to be able to talk throughout the day.

Oh, yes, and I've been getting back on top of my writing, I have written tons of poems this past week and I'm finishing up that novel I've been working on. My goal is to eventually get it published. (ok so I know I may be dreaming a little big there, but better to dream big than to not dream at all, right?)

so, anyhoo, I better get started on all of that homework. XP ah well, school is just school.

AAAAAAAAHHHHH. blagh. i feel dead.

so life is ok. homecoming is in a week and 1/2 and im hoping to go to that. but so far school is kind of... how do i say this... SUCKY. but we all expected that didn't we? just not THIS sucky. i don't know anybody in any of my classes or in my lunch. so i've come to finally pathetically spending my lunch time in the library, either reading or doing homework. this is on top of my mum still having heath problems and now im having to give her these shots in the stomach *shudders* and i barely get a chance to talk to anyone all day. My life at this point is wake up, go to school, come home, go to my moms, do homework, shower, sleep, and repeat. with the little details in between. i think i am actually going insane. somebody HELP ME!!!!!

Picture Time!!

What do you think of the new pic? is this one better or worse than the last one? leave me a comment and let me know what you think, that is, if anyone still reads this... :P

hehehehe. i don't know what to write, but i keep writing anyways. im kinda excited for the open house tomorrow. i want to see everybody. i saw haugen, and taft, and redig today at my brother's open house. 'twas interesting... veerry interesting.... someone should call me. btw, ive gone completely insane. just to let you guys know. I think im gonna join the GSA at southwest. and im gonna finish my story, yes THE story. the one with the vampires and werewolves and kristen like fiends. maaan im gonna miss kristen. who is gonna scream when i write mean things about her on my blog when shes all the way over at washburn? nobody, thats who. X(

Here it comes...

here what comes, you may ask. or if you're really thinking hard about it, you probably already know... its the dreaded S word.... noooo not that S word (why would you think that?) SCHOOL, ok i meant SCHOOL!!! geez, i can't get one statement out without you readers getting off task! But anyways, tomorrow is the open house, and school starts next tuesday already. OH NOES!!! how do we make it stop!? the time, the fragile pieces of what's left of summer are all slowly melting away like an ice cube in july. And homework, oh the piles and piles of homework, i can see it now...


man, i am NOT looking forward to this. :(

50th POST!!!!

hip hip hooray. my 50th post of complete nonsense, and to think, you still continue to read it. :P well, my life has been slowly returning to the usual state of insanity as my mum is home, sarah is back on her feet begging to go to all night raves, and I am... well..... weird i guess. I really want to go to district tonight. hopefully i can find a way to go, connors phone is off. and this is making me angry. i want to go to the mall too. hmph. i hate being stuck at home on saturdays.

Ugh, when will it end!?

I havn't posted in forever, but things have been moderately, wait no, extremely insane over here. My mum went to the doctor for severe leg pain and they found a blood clot, so she went to the hospital, but came home wednesday, but that same night I went over there just to make sure that she was okay and that night she got really sick, so we went back to the hospital to find that part of the blood clot had moved to her lung, so unlike what I was thinking yesterday, she will probably be staying in the hospital until at least wednesday. grr. So my parents are going up to the cabin with all of my brothers until tuesday, and me and my sister are going to my aunts house for the weekend. Oh, and for whomever it may concern this means that I'm not going to Alex's party either, (even though I haven't seen him ALL SUMMER, and most likely won't see him for another month when school starts. ) *deep sigh* I think I need a hug.

so it all comes down to this...

by the way, you will notice that i have a pattern of titling my blogs with phrases that are completely irrelevent to the post itself (great, right?) well any way, I'm finally leaving for Bible camp on Sunday, and am hoping to gain more friendship than people that avoid me at all costs because I'm the "weird vegan girl" that has to make all her own meals so she can never get a seat at a table other than with all of the staff. (oh that was hell) Yet I still managed to have enough fun that I wanted to sign up for this year, so here we are, or if you prefer, so it all comes down to this. And of course there's the rest of the summer stuff, In late august i;m going to boston with Ginger, and hopefully Orlando with my mum. I still have to do that stupid book assignment for school, and that pretty much wraps everything up. Oh yeah, and the fact that I think by the time we go back to school, I will be so deprived of social activity that on the first day I will walk in to the building, have a complete mental collapse and spend the first couple months of school in a mental hospital. But, that's nothing to worry about. Oh and for all those concerned, my cough is gone, so I do NOT have pneumonia or whatever. just a cold. Oh yeah, and I made a new neopets account and it rocks. so there. haha.